The Gift - The Velvet Underground
Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit
It was now mid-august
Which meant that he had been separated
From marsha for more than two months
Two months and all he had to show were three dog-eared letters
And two very expensive long distance phone calls
True when school had ended and she'd returned to wisconsin
And he to locust pennsylvania
She had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity
She would date occasionally but merely as amusement
She would remain faithful
But lately waldo had begun to worry
He had trouble sleeping at night
And when he did he had horrible dreams
He lay awake at night
Tossing and turning underneath his printed quilt protector
Tears welling in his eyes
As he pictured marsha
Her sworn vows overcome by
Liquor and the smooth soothings of some neanderthal
Finally submitting to the final caresses of sexual oblivion
It was more than the human mind could bear
Visions of marsha's faithlessness haunted him
Daytime fantasies of sexual abandon permeated his thoughts
And the thing was they wouldn't understand who she really was
He waldo alone understood this
He had intuitively grasped every nook and cranny of her psyche
He had made her smile and she needed him
And he wasn't there
The idea came to him on the thursday
Before the mummers parade was scheduled to appear
He had just finished mowing and edging
The edelsons lawn for a dollar-fifty
And had checked the mailbox to see
If there was at least a word from marsha
There was nothing more than a circular
Form the amalgamated aluminum company of america
Inquiring into his awning needs
At least they cared enough to write
It was a new york company
You could go anywhere in the mails
Then it struck him
He didn't have enough money to go
To wisconsin in the accepted fashion
True but why not mail himself
It was absurdly simple
He would ship himself parcel post special delivery
The next day waldo went to the supermarket
To purchase the necessary equipment
He bought masking tape a staple gun and a medium sized
Cardboard box just right for a person of his build
He judged that with a minimum of jostling
He could ride quite comfortably
A few airholes some water
A selection of midnight snacks
And it would probably be as good as going tourist
By friday afternoon waldo was set
He was thoroughly packed and the post office
Had agreed to pick him up at three o'clock
He'd marked the package "FRAGILE"
And as he sat curled up inside
Resting in the foam rubber cushioning he'd thoughtfully included
He tried to picture the look of awe
And happiness on marsha's face
As she opened the door saw the package tipped the deliverer
And then opened it to see her waldo finally there in person
She would kiss him and then maybe they could see a movie
If he'd only thought of this before
Suddenly rough hands gripped his package
And he felt himself borne up
He landed with a thud in a truck
And then he was off
Marsha bronson had just finished setting her hair
It had been a very rough weekend
She had to remember not to drink like that
Bill had been nice about it though
After it was over he'd said that he still respected her and
After all
It was certainly the way of nature and even though no
He didn't love her
He did feel an affection for her
And after all they were grown adults
Oh what bill could teach waldo
But that seemed many years ago
Sheila klein
Her very very best friend walked in through
The porch screen door into the kitchen
Oh god it's absolutely maudlin outside
Ugh I know what you mean I feel all icky
Marsha tightened the belt on her cotton robe
With the silk outer edge
Sheila ran her finger over some salt grains on the kitchen table
Licked her finger and made a face
I'm supposed to be taking these salt pills but
She wrinkled her nose
They make me feel like throwing up
Marsha started to pat herself under the chin
An exercise she'd seen on television
God don't even talk about that
She got up from the table and went to the sink
Where she picked up a bottle of pink and blue vitamins
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