[00:00:00] 本字幕由腾讯音乐天琴实验室独家AI字幕技术生成
[00:00:01] 书接前文
[00:00:05] 栾学堂啊
[00:00:07] 给姚善人
[00:00:08] 姚泽圣和他的宝贝女儿珍珍
[00:00:13] 讲笑话
[00:00:15] 大唐官徐永海在旁边也听着
[00:00:19] 这笑话挺有意思
[00:00:22] 这都是栾学堂现编的
[00:00:25] 他说
[00:00:27] 有个财主要祭灶
[00:00:29] 摆上满桌酒、烟和酒
[00:00:32] 正好来客人
[00:00:33] 财主出去招待去了
[00:00:36] 告诉他闺女把这个贡献撤了
[00:00:39] 等我回来再祭拜灶王爷
[00:00:43] J 姑娘呢
[00:00:45] 脑袋没墨
[00:00:47] A 他先把这酒给撤了
[00:00:50] 结果呢
[00:00:51] 鸡鸭鱼肉没撤
[00:00:53] 他们家养那狗
[00:00:54] 一看来机会上去
[00:00:57] 把这好东西都给造了
[00:01:00] 等姑娘回来
[00:01:01] 哎呀
[00:01:02] 真糟糕
[00:01:04] 真糟糕
[00:01:04] 非挨说不可
[00:01:07] 正这会儿
[00:01:07] 这财主的客人走了
[00:01:10] 才入进来一看
[00:01:11] 哎呀
[00:01:12] 你怎么搞的
[00:01:14] 你爹你说我顾不过来了
[00:01:17] 我撤这个好
[00:01:18] 撤那个
[00:01:19] 好
[00:01:19] 我先把酒拿走了
[00:01:21] 就没端着酒肉拿着
[00:01:23] 这叫狗就吃
[00:01:25] 老头儿说
[00:01:26] 你忘了
[00:01:27] 咱家的狗不喝酒
[00:01:31] 你先撤酒啊
[00:01:34] 栾学堂等奖的热
[00:01:38] 摇扇人乐得前仰后合
[00:01:41] 知道栾学堂暗骂徐永海
[00:01:45] 因为敬酒的时候
[00:01:47] 徐永海说他不喝酒
[00:01:49] 这笑话儿里头呢
[00:01:50] 是狗不喝酒
[00:01:53] 珍珍毕竟是孩子
[00:01:55] 一开始还没反应过来
[00:01:57] 一看他们乐得前仰后合
[00:01:59] 为什么呢
[00:02:00] 吧嗒吧嗒地笑话的滋味哦
[00:02:02] 明白过来了
[00:02:03] 珍珍也乐的眼泪都淌下来了
[00:02:06] 徐永海一开始没懂
[00:02:09] 在旁边听着
[00:02:12] 后来一听不对劲儿啊
[00:02:14] 我成了
[00:02:14] 搞了我就不会喝酒
[00:02:17] 好好栾学堂
[00:02:18] 你占我的便宜就追打栾学堂打的是跟头咕噜的
[00:02:24] 姚泽圣不但不怪相反特高兴
[00:02:27] 一看女儿乐得那么开心
[00:02:30] 一会儿打闹完了
[00:02:32] 摇扇人也痉挛
[00:02:34] 血糖喝酒
[00:02:36] 这栾学堂端起酒杯来
[00:02:38] 抬头一看
[00:02:40] 正好跟J 真真打了个对眼儿
[00:02:44] 四目啪碰在一块儿
[00:02:48] 哎呀
[00:02:50] 栾学堂就发现J 真真出弱的是如花似玉
[00:02:57] 当初见面前是小学生
[00:03:00] 那是长得就漂亮
[00:03:02] 现在大姑娘
[00:03:05] 你说那脸蛋儿内一深川D 内时髦
[00:03:09] 啊
[00:03:10] 你瞅那眼神
[00:03:12] 那眉毛
[00:03:13] 怎么丑怎么是大美人儿
[00:03:17] 栾学堂地心刷
[00:03:19] 就一翻个脸通红
[00:03:23] 还想多看两眼
[00:03:25] 站在旁边的眼神不错
[00:03:27] 盯着J 真人
[00:03:30] 徐勇海毕竟大几岁
[00:03:33] 经验丰富
[00:03:34] 徐荣海正忙活着一看
[00:03:38] 明白怎么回事儿
[00:03:39] 差的诗里
[00:03:42] 啊
[00:03:46] 瞎猜
[00:03:47] 你愣什么
[00:03:47] 哎哎
[00:03:48] 加猜
[00:03:50] 栾学堂
[00:03:51] 手脚也没地方搁
[00:03:54] 等把珍珍他们送走了之后
[00:03:56] 晚上没事儿了
[00:03:57] 收了工了
[00:03:59] 钻到被窝儿
[00:04:01] 栾学堂的心开了锅里
[00:04:05] 闭上眼睛
[00:04:07] 就是一震
[00:04:09] 赶也赶不走
[00:04:11] 玩儿做梦也是真真
[00:04:15] 简直着了魔了
[00:04:16] 翻来覆去睡不着时唉声叹气
[00:04:21] 他明白
[00:04:23] 现在十七八啦
[00:04:25] 啊
[00:04:26] 在呢
[00:04:26] 农村呢
[00:04:27] 早娶媳妇儿了
[00:04:29] 按照农村的老话讲
[00:04:32] 就是该娶媳妇的时候了
[00:04:35] 按咱科学的名词是青春永动器
[00:04:42] 现在生理结构发生变化了
[00:04:45] 不是孩子
[00:04:46] A
[00:04:47] 对
[00:04:47] 男女之间异性相吸
[00:04:51] 已经产生这种作用
[00:04:54] 睡不着觉了
[00:04:56] 一开始的徐荣海啊
[00:04:58] 没理这茬儿
[00:05:00] 心中爱笑
[00:05:02] 等日久天长了
[00:05:04] 真真来吃一次饭
[00:05:07] 只要走了
[00:05:09] J 栾学堂就犯J 劲儿
[00:05:10] 而且越来越严重
[00:05:13] 自己的弟兄无话不谈呢
[00:05:16] 这天
[00:05:17] 徐永海攒足了劲儿
[00:05:19] 看看其他的人
[00:05:20] 都睡了
[00:05:22] 她捅了捅兰雪堂
[00:05:25] 熊大
[00:05:26] 睡没啊
[00:05:28] 没有
[00:05:28] 睡不着
[00:05:30] 观
[00:05:31] 俩人推头对着头
[00:05:35] 兄弟
[00:05:36] 你的心思哥哥知道
[00:05:39] 你是不是看上珍珍小姐胡说八道
[00:05:43] 我才没那意思
[00:05:44] 说瞎话
[00:05:46] 哎
[00:05:46] 你这人不说瞎话
[00:05:47] 你怎么骗我
[00:05:49] 我旁的事儿看不出来
[00:05:51] 这是我看不出来
[00:05:52] 毕竟我比你大几岁
[00:05:54] 比你有经验
[00:05:56] 兄弟
[00:05:57] 你承认也好不承认也罢
[00:06:01] 打消这个念头
[00:06:03] 从现在开始打消
[00:06:07] 为什么歌这么劝你
[00:06:09] 设身处地
[00:06:11] 你想想你你是干什么的
[00:06:14] 充其量你是个小学徒
[00:06:17] A
[00:06:18] 按这块的话说
[00:06:19] 这个小列巴
[00:06:21] 你是干苦力活的
[00:06:24] 人家珍珍小姐是干什么的
[00:06:27] 家资巨富
[00:06:30] 他爹
[00:06:31] 那在北京城800银号
[00:06:33] 头一把同德号的大老板
[00:06:37] 那家里不是说有金山银山也差不多少
[00:06:41] 人家的地位在天上
[00:06:44] 你
[00:06:46] 在B 比一下
[00:06:49] 我说
[00:06:49] 你讲笑话也好
[00:06:51] 讲故事也好
[00:06:51] 你讲过没
[00:06:53] 门当户对
[00:06:56] 婚姻大事必须得门当户对
[00:07:01] 当然
[00:07:01] 我讲不过你
[00:07:02] 但我就明白这个理儿
[00:07:05] J 们D 差的悬殊
[00:07:08] 这事儿不可能啊
[00:07:10] 你得现实一点啊
[00:07:13] 兄弟
[00:07:14] 别糟蹋自己的身子了
[00:07:16] 该睡觉就睡觉哎
[00:07:19] 你要想娶这媳妇儿也行
[00:07:22] 除了你是暴发户
[00:07:24] 一夜之间怕冷
[00:07:27] 你发了大财
[00:07:29] 你改变了你的命运
[00:07:31] 那还需有门
[00:07:33] 别瞎想了啊
[00:07:35] 别想了
[00:07:37] 哎
[00:07:39] 嗨呀
[00:07:41] 栾学堂仔细回味回味
[00:07:44] 这些话说的不无道理
[00:07:47] 喂
[00:07:49] 我怎么这么穷啊
[00:07:51] 我的地位怎么这么低啊
[00:07:53] 都是一样的人
[00:07:55] 他为什么在天上
[00:07:57] 我为什么在地下
[00:08:00] 难道说这件事我就罢手了不成
[00:08:06] 不行
[00:08:07] 我太喜欢这
[00:08:09] 真的
[00:08:10] 开一会儿
[00:08:12] 我非娶她不可
[00:08:15] 哎呀
[00:08:15] 怎么能取呢
[00:08:16] 我得发财
[00:08:18] 我怎么能一夜之间成暴发户
[00:08:22] 哎呀
[00:08:23] 你想想主意
[00:08:25] 打这之后
[00:08:25] 他动脑筋了
[00:08:27] 突然
[00:08:28] 他有怪想法
[00:08:30] 原来张思表也就讲过
[00:08:32] 这北京什么事儿都有
[00:08:34] 有的人真捡了个皮包
[00:08:36] 皮包里头全是钱
[00:08:38] 有的人翻个跟头捡了一包首饰
[00:08:44] 有的人捡着金条金元宝
[00:08:47] 真有这事儿
[00:08:49] 能不能
[00:08:50] 我我
[00:08:50] 我也碰碰运气
[00:08:53] 哎
[00:08:53] 那会儿我刚到北京的时候
[00:08:56] 我住在陶然亭内破窑里头
[00:08:59] 我听那些小要饭的也讲过这事儿
[00:09:02] 说呢
[00:09:03] 陶然亭内地方经常出现怪事
[00:09:07] 我碰碰运气
[00:09:09] 我不许摔个跟头捡一包金条啊
[00:09:12] 嗯
[00:09:13] 我不行
[00:09:14] 捡点好东西
[00:09:16] 老天爷睁眼保佑我一回a
[00:09:20] 因为我从来没做亏心事啊
[00:09:22] 老天爷保佑
[00:09:24] 我怎么说
[00:09:24] 荒唐
[00:09:26] 还是孩子
[00:09:28] 这天晚上
[00:09:29] 她睡不着觉
[00:09:31] 下定决心时
[00:09:32] 说干就干
[00:09:34] 一看徐勇海中人都睡了
[00:09:36] 他假装上茅房
[00:09:39] 把衣裳穿好了
[00:09:41] 慢慢儿的溜达出来
[00:09:43] 把这门关上
[00:09:44] 起身赶奔
[00:09:46] 陶然亭
[00:09:49] 哎
[00:09:49] 到那块儿就想得外快
[00:09:51] 好几年不来了
[00:09:54] 正好是半夜
[00:09:56] 他一到了陶然亭
[00:09:58] 一进来这个CA 也B 他一看
[00:10:01] 毛骨悚然
[00:10:04] 俺当初在这儿住过
[00:10:06] 没这感觉
[00:10:08] 这次是时过境迁了
[00:10:10] 再来
[00:10:11] 他感觉着浑身上下不得劲儿
[00:10:14] 一看那槐树
[00:10:15] 柳树一眼望不到边
[00:10:18] 而且这陶然亭这地儿太大了
[00:10:21] 在当年的时候
[00:10:22] 陶然平属于郊外大郊外
[00:10:25] 属于北京的远郊一样
[00:10:27] 不像现在发展的这么大
[00:10:29] 套成圈里头
[00:10:32] 内阵就是荒郊野外
[00:10:35] 所以到这块儿
[00:10:36] 多见树木
[00:10:38] 少见人烟
[00:10:40] 哎
[00:10:40] 有时候还有狼
[00:10:42] 有时候还有猛兽
[00:10:44] 这是没看见
[00:10:45] 可听说过
[00:10:46] 反正也ou 呢
[00:10:48] 经常出现
[00:10:49] 有的人在这儿就死了
[00:10:51] 不是被谋杀、暗杀就出了事儿
[00:10:55] 所以这个地儿晚上一般人不敢来
[00:10:59] 谁敢来呀
[00:11:01] 今儿他是想外快炸的板子来的
[00:11:04] 等一近点儿发毛
[00:11:08] 嗯
[00:11:10] 哎哟
[00:11:12] 胡想吧
[00:11:14] 怎么那么巧就能捡着好东西
[00:11:18] 溜达一圈没有
[00:11:20] 没有啊
[00:11:21] 怎么办
[00:11:21] 就这么回去
[00:11:23] 空去白回
[00:11:26] 到我当初祝你破窑溜达溜达
[00:11:30] 他又踅摸着那破摇了
[00:11:31] 在这儿住了将近一年
[00:11:34] 等哈要钻进去pi pi 飞机分
[00:11:40] 恶臭的味儿直刺鼻孔
[00:11:44] 简直叫人恶心什么
[00:11:48] 他退出来之后
[00:11:50] 想了想
[00:11:52] 肯定是死人被
[00:11:55] 这里死了人了
[00:11:56] 没人管
[00:11:57] 都腐烂了
[00:11:58] 哎呀我的妈
[00:11:59] 恶心恶心
[00:12:00] 恶心
[00:12:01] 他转身往回走
[00:12:03] 刚一转身
[00:12:04] 可把他吓坏了
[00:12:06] 远处闪着金光
[00:12:09] 蹲着
[00:12:10] 几条野狗
[00:12:11] 耳朵竖着在那儿盯着呢
[00:12:16] 那也好
[00:12:17] 那吃人哪
[00:12:20] 栾学堂呢
[00:12:21] 在这呆过
[00:12:22] 经常晕的野狗
[00:12:24] 对付狗
[00:12:25] 他还是有经验
[00:12:26] 他虽然下一下子
[00:12:28] 马上镇定下来
[00:12:30] 回首捡了块砖头
[00:12:32] 撇出去冷的地方
[00:12:34] 前期哈一
[00:12:36] 这是对付野狗的办法呢
[00:12:38] 狗头脑简单
[00:12:40] 一看扔出东西打他
[00:12:41] 紧跟着一哈腰
[00:12:42] 不知道捡什么东西
[00:12:44] 这狗是一轰而散
[00:12:47] 跺着脚假装追
[00:12:48] 其实他没追
[00:12:51] 一看狗散了
[00:12:52] 哎我的妈呀
[00:12:54] 哎
[00:12:55] 等等等等
[00:12:58] 算啦
[00:12:59] 栾学堂
[00:13:00] 请说外财不富命穷人呢
[00:13:04] 反正给我的经验就这么回事儿
[00:13:07] 不该我发财
[00:13:08] 我也发不了财
[00:13:10] 回去吧
[00:13:11] 放觉不睡
[00:13:12] 这何苦来的
[00:13:13] 好像没把命搭上往回走
[00:13:17] 他往回走
[00:13:18] 依然是半夜
[00:13:20] 还走着走着
[00:13:21] 还没出J 陶然平呢
[00:13:23] 就觉得身后有脚步的声音
[00:13:27] 咚咚咚咚咚咚啊
[00:13:31] 汗毛都竖起来
[00:13:34] 星座谁跟着我啊
[00:13:37] 明明有脚步的声音
[00:13:39] 莫非闹鬼辣
[00:13:42] 有以下哪来的鬼
[00:13:44] 老人们说
[00:13:45] 鬼是魂灵
[00:13:46] 没啥
[00:13:48] 我听的是沙
[00:13:49] 肯定不是鬼
[00:13:51] 仗着胆子
[00:13:52] 冷不丁一转身
[00:13:56] 把身子留回来
[00:13:57] 可劲儿喊了一嗓子
[00:14:00] 这嗓子可谓是声嘶力竭
[00:14:05] 啊
[00:14:08] 你说半夜三更这一嗓子
[00:14:10] 谁听着不害怕
[00:14:13] 后边儿真是个人
[00:14:16] 那人怀里还抱着个东西
[00:14:18] 嗷的一嗓子
[00:14:19] 把内主下一蹦多高
[00:14:22] 把手里东西噗通掉地上
[00:14:24] 摸下就跑
[00:14:31] 哎哟我的妈呀
[00:14:32] 哎呀
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