[00:00:00] Intro (Explicit) - Bo Burnham [00:00:08] This is Bo Burnham [00:00:12] He's 22 years old [00:00:15] He's a male and he looks like the genetic product [00:00:19] Of a giraffe having sex with Ellen Degeneres [00:00:24] He has a gigantic head and tiny nipples [00:00:29] He's isolated himself over the last five years in the pursuit of comedy [00:00:35] And in doing so has lost touch with reality [00:00:42] You're an asshole Bo You hear me [00:00:48] You think you know better than me [00:00:51] You think you know better than everybody [00:00:55] You will die alone and you will deserve it [00:01:01] But in the meantime you might as well tell those silly jokes of yours [00:01:07] See if that helps [00:01:21] You used to do comedy when you felt like being funny [00:01:28] But now you're contraction-ally obligated [00:01:31] So dance you f**king monkey [00:01:35] Dance monkey dance [00:01:37] Welcome to the show [00:01:38] This is Bo this is his show [00:01:40] And Bo likes to dance like this [00:01:43] Welcome to the show this is Bo [00:01:44] This is his show and Bo takes off his pants like this [00:01:49] Play an invisible drum [00:01:52] Play an invisible trumpet trumpet sound [00:01:55] Drink some invisible water [00:01:57] Oh sh*t That water's real [00:02:01] Bo wants to make you feel comfortable [00:02:04] Bo wants to make you feel comfortable [00:02:07] Bo wants to make you feel comfortable [00:02:10] So sit back relax and enjoy a healthy dose of [00:02:13] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:16] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:19] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:22] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:25] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:28] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:31] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:34] Prolonged eye contact [00:02:37] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:40] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:43] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact [00:02:46] Lick your lips to make it more comforting [00:02:48] Do you want to see a magic trick [00:02:51] Do you want to see a magic trick [00:02:54] Do you want to see a magic trick [00:02:57] Then pick a card any card-Psyche [00:03:01] Magic isn't real you idiot read a book [00:03:04] Magic isn't real you idiot read a book [00:03:07] Magic isn't real you idiot read a book [00:03:10] Magic isn't real or is it [00:03:16] And at that moment [00:03:18] Bo's 20 year old cynicism melted into childlike wonder [00:03:24] He never knew there could be so much magic in the world [00:03:29] It's a world of possibilities Bo [00:03:33] What do you want to do first Run [00:03:36] Yeah sure you can run [00:03:38] Fly Well yeah you can fly [00:03:43] What What are you what the f**k are you do [00:03:45] What the f**k are you doing [00:03:47] Stop st-stop it [00:03:49] What the f-you f**king idiot stop stop stop [00:03:55] Anyways In the distance Bo saw a beautiful fairy [00:04:00] A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud [00:04:02] About being called one in high school [00:04:05] He then came across an old bridge with a troll standing guard [00:04:09] Bo knew he'd have to answer a riddle to get by [00:04:13] The troll spoke thus: [00:04:16] Alright for the last time man I'm not a troll I'm homeless [00:04:19] Ok do you have any spare change [00:04:23] Ok that's a used napkin I don't want that [00:04:26] No no stop just you know what leave just leave please leave ' [00:04:32] And then as Bo arrived on the other side of the stage [00:04:38] He saw a unicorn with five horns right in front of him [00:04:42] And the pentacorn spoke thus: [00:04:47] Hello Bo I've been looking for you for quite a long t-ugh ' [00:05:07] He was safe for now [00:05:11] But the dark thoughts would soon return [00:05:17] It's Godzilla [00:05:42] It's so hard to be a lizard [00:05:48] It's hard to be a lizard [00:05:54] Tiny arms itchy gizzard [00:06:00] It's hard to be a lizard 404

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