The Thieves Banquet - Akala
Once upon a time
In an obscure part of the Milky Way Galaxy
There was a spinning ball of
Water and rock ruled by the forces of evil
The Devil himself
Proud of the magnificent achievements of his children
Decided to call a special banquet
For the greatest thieves in all the land
He sent invites to thousands of the greatest murders
Rapists and general-assorted scum
Inviting them to attend his palace
At the dawn of the new moon
Each thief would be given a chance to stake his claim
As the greatest messenger of murder upon the planet
And the Devil himself would then
Decide who should be crowned king
After many days of deliberating
All of the petty thieves
Such as street criminals
Have been found far short
Of the required level of wickedness
And there were just four sets of thieves
Left in the competition
They were: the monarchs of empire
A cartel of bankers
The heads of religious orders
And the third-world dictators
Each set of thieves appointed a spokesman
To give his case to the Devil
We have recorded these events for posterity
Uh listen
Uh okay yo
First up was the thief of the worst reputation
Dictator of a third-world nation
He looked the Devil in the eye as he spoke
In an oh so serious tone
Dear Mr Devil
I am the greatest thief there has ever been on Earth
Please tell me who else
More than me personifies your work
I came to power in a military coup
I murdered the elected president
He wanted to use the resources
Of our country for our peoples' benefit
I proved to masters in the west
I could kill my own people just as well as the best
So I took over the so-called independent country
When the foreigners left
Sent squads of death to those who would suggest
In power should be the one they elect
Erected a statue of the great man
That raped our mothers stole our lands
That's how little self-respect I have
Don't fight slavery
It makes me glad
Account in Switzerland Rolls Royce
Murder and rape 'cos I want new toys
Don't want a portion but a whole fortune
With that profit what's a little bit of torture
Even outlawed my indigenous culture
And language and history
And taught our people to only worship colonizers
And of course me
Thief
It's the banquet of the thieves
Come and dine with me
It's the banquet of the thieves
The banquet of the thieve
The Devil was so impressed with this wonderful man
He almost ejaculated on his hands
But the monarch of the empire said
Excuse me Mr Devil I'd like to speak if I may
Who do you think trained this amateur
Dictator to behave this way
Yeah I'm sure before I came along
His country was far from heaven
But look of the carnage I caused all over the Earth
It's got to be the work of the Devil
Countless deaths mass enslavement
Deliberate starvation of whole nations
The dictator tries his best but looking at me
He's just an imitation
Who do you think pays his wages
He would love to be trading places
I've been doing this ting on the roads
Way back way back way back
Since the Middle Ages
Everybody knows he's a criminal element
They think I'm democratic and benevolent
And that shows that I'm really devilish
'Cos people think I'm heaven-sent
I couldn't care about democracy
You all know no one elected me
The people love me despite my crimes
Sucka MCs wanna bite my shine
So blingin' out of control you would vomit
Don't even touch dough but my face is on it
Thief
It's the banquet of the thieves
It's the banquet of the thieves
I'm a pervert who's in the cloak of the clergy
Yes I'm a pervert who's in the cloak
I'm a despicable character
I use my position of authority and spiritual reverence
I'm a despicable character
Mr Devil allow me to speak
For all of the religious leaders that leech
In the world of creeps I'm initiated
I take the peoples' faith and dissipate it
With false promises hollow oratory
Don't need a gun it's daylight robbery
Dear Mr Devil
I thought you would like it
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