[00:00:00] The Thieves Banquet - Akala [00:00:02] Once upon a time [00:00:03] In an obscure part of the Milky Way Galaxy [00:00:06] There was a spinning ball of [00:00:08] Water and rock ruled by the forces of evil [00:00:13] The Devil himself [00:00:15] Proud of the magnificent achievements of his children [00:00:18] Decided to call a special banquet [00:00:20] For the greatest thieves in all the land [00:00:23] He sent invites to thousands of the greatest murders [00:00:27] Rapists and general-assorted scum [00:00:30] Inviting them to attend his palace [00:00:32] At the dawn of the new moon [00:00:34] Each thief would be given a chance to stake his claim [00:00:38] As the greatest messenger of murder upon the planet [00:00:42] And the Devil himself would then [00:00:44] Decide who should be crowned king [00:00:48] After many days of deliberating [00:00:51] All of the petty thieves [00:00:52] Such as street criminals [00:00:53] Have been found far short [00:00:55] Of the required level of wickedness [00:00:57] And there were just four sets of thieves [00:01:00] Left in the competition [00:01:02] They were: the monarchs of empire [00:01:06] A cartel of bankers [00:01:08] The heads of religious orders [00:01:10] And the third-world dictators [00:01:12] Each set of thieves appointed a spokesman [00:01:15] To give his case to the Devil [00:01:17] We have recorded these events for posterity [00:01:24] Uh listen [00:01:30] Uh okay yo [00:01:36] First up was the thief of the worst reputation [00:01:38] Dictator of a third-world nation [00:01:39] He looked the Devil in the eye as he spoke [00:01:41] In an oh so serious tone [00:01:43] Dear Mr Devil [00:01:44] I am the greatest thief there has ever been on Earth [00:01:46] Please tell me who else [00:01:47] More than me personifies your work [00:01:49] I came to power in a military coup [00:01:51] I murdered the elected president [00:01:53] He wanted to use the resources [00:01:54] Of our country for our peoples' benefit [00:01:56] I proved to masters in the west [00:01:58] I could kill my own people just as well as the best [00:02:00] So I took over the so-called independent country [00:02:02] When the foreigners left [00:02:03] Sent squads of death to those who would suggest [00:02:05] In power should be the one they elect [00:02:06] Erected a statue of the great man [00:02:08] That raped our mothers stole our lands [00:02:10] That's how little self-respect I have [00:02:12] Don't fight slavery [00:02:12] It makes me glad [00:02:13] Account in Switzerland Rolls Royce [00:02:15] Murder and rape 'cos I want new toys [00:02:17] Don't want a portion but a whole fortune [00:02:19] With that profit what's a little bit of torture [00:02:20] Even outlawed my indigenous culture [00:02:22] And language and history [00:02:23] And taught our people to only worship colonizers [00:02:26] And of course me [00:02:31] Thief [00:02:33] It's the banquet of the thieves [00:02:37] Come and dine with me [00:02:40] It's the banquet of the thieves [00:02:43] The banquet of the thieve [00:02:45] The Devil was so impressed with this wonderful man [00:02:46] He almost ejaculated on his hands [00:02:48] But the monarch of the empire said [00:02:49] Excuse me Mr Devil I'd like to speak if I may [00:02:51] Who do you think trained this amateur [00:02:53] Dictator to behave this way [00:02:54] Yeah I'm sure before I came along [00:02:56] His country was far from heaven [00:02:58] But look of the carnage I caused all over the Earth [00:03:00] It's got to be the work of the Devil [00:03:01] Countless deaths mass enslavement [00:03:03] Deliberate starvation of whole nations [00:03:05] The dictator tries his best but looking at me [00:03:07] He's just an imitation [00:03:08] Who do you think pays his wages [00:03:10] He would love to be trading places [00:03:11] I've been doing this ting on the roads [00:03:13] Way back way back way back [00:03:14] Since the Middle Ages [00:03:15] Everybody knows he's a criminal element 404

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