Hey, you guys. Hey, what are you doing? 嗨，大家！在干什么? -Figuring out our wedding plans. -Funny. We were doing the same thing. -筹备婚礼 -有趣得很, 我们也正合计这事呢 It's really crazy. The hall, the dress, the food. 疯了, 场地, 服装, 食品 -I had no idea how expensive this was. -Yeah, it is really pricey. -没想到结个婚这么贵 -是很贵 -I freaked when I heard the numbers. -So, what did you two do about it? -第一次算出结婚费用，我被那个数字吓呆了 -结果你们怎么做的? It was simple. I came up with some cost-cutting solutions.. 简单, 我各个项目都想出了一些省钱的方案 wrote out a list, and Monica told me to go to hell. 结果莫妮卡叫我去死 There's no way around it. Just accept that this is gonna cost a lot of money. 没钱好省的, 接受事实, 这的确所费不赀 I heard that weddings are, like, a $40 billion-a-year industry. 听说每年花在结婚上的钱高达400亿 Yeah. And I'm responsible for just, like, half of that. 这其中我贡献过半 I don't know. It's a lot of money to spend on one day. 我不知道, 一天花这么多钱 Hey, I've been married before, I don't need a big wedding. 嘿, 我以前结过婚 我都没有盛大的婚礼 All I ask is that you don't do ecstasy and make out with my brother. 我所想知道的是你没有迷上我弟弟并和他上床 But really, it does seem like this money could be put to better use. 我觉得这钱应该用在更有意义的事上 Hey, you could buy a ton of Amway products. 嘿, 你可以买一吨安利的产品 -Or give it all to charity. -Oh, that's great. -或者全部捐给慈善机构 -喔, 这个想法不错 How am I gonna unload all those Amway products? 那些安利的东西该怎么样卸货呢? Are you serious? 当真? Yeah. How would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity.. 把婚礼经费捐献给慈善事业 and we just got married at City Hall? 我们就到市政厅登个记？ I think it would make me wanna marry you even more. 这让我越发想娶你了! I gotta say, you guys, that's an incredible gesture. 高姿态! 很好 Maybe you do that next time you get married. 下次你结婚也这么干如何? No, no, no. The next time's gonna be Hawaii at sunset. 下次我要在夏威夷斜阳下结婚 But maybe the time after that. 下下次吧 -Hey. What's going on? -Hey. -嘿！ 忙啥呢？ -嘿！ Our adoption social worker is coming, so we're cleaning the apartment. 领养中心有人来家访，所以我们在扫除 "We"? 我们？ You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways. 你不想我掺和，拖你后腿！ Is this the person who decides whether or not you get a baby? 这个人说了算？ -She's coming to see where we live. -And it has to go perfectly. －差不多，这人来视察我们的生活环境 －我们必须表现得完美 If she doesn't like us, she can keep us off every adoption list in the state. 若她有丝毫不满，我们就永远没戏 Hey, maybe I should stop by. She could be a soap opera fan. 我可以过来友情协力一把 她没准爱看肥皂剧 It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity. 小人物认识演艺名流，可以蓬壁生辉呢 "Little people"? 小人物？ "Celebrity." 名流 So I think I'm just about done here. 差不多满分了 Unless you have any bad stuff hidden somewhere, like porn or cigarettes? 除非你还有什么，像色情书刊，香烟？ What? 什么？ -No. -Chandler. －才没有！ －钱德 I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation. 你无中生有，污人清白 So there's not a magazine under the couch.. 沙发下没有杂志？ or cigarettes taped to the back of the toilet tank.. 厕所水箱后没有一包香烟？ or a filthy video in the VCR? 录像机里没有A片? I'll admit to the cigarettes and magazine. But that tape is not mine. 香烟和杂志我认帐，但录像带 不是我的！ -It isn't mine. -I guess we'll never know whose it is. -也不是我的！ -永远不会知道是谁的了！ May I help you? 可以帮忙吗？ Yes. We're here to make a rather sizable donation to the children. 我们来捐钱给孩子 Any contribution, large or small, is appreciated. 捐钱不论多少，心意都是一样重 我们都会感激 I think you're gonna appreciate the crap out of this one. 数目这样大，你一定会异常感激 -Well, this is very generous. -And we don't want any recognition. -你们真大方 -我们不留名． This is completely anonymous. 匿名捐助 Completely anonymous. From two kind strangers. 完全匿名 两个好人 Mr. X and Phoebe Buffay. X先生和菲比布费 We can put your names in our newsletter. 我们可以把二位的名字登到新闻通讯里 -Not necessary. -Buffay is spelled B-U-F-F-A-Y. －没必要 －布费的拼法是：Buffay And X is spelled "Mike Hannigan." X先生的写法是：麦克.哈纳根 Possible headline: Attractive Couple Makes World Better. 也许标题应该写: 迷人的夫妇让世界变的更好 Well, on behalf of the children, thank you both very much. 我代表孩子们多谢两位 -I'm glad we did this. It feels so good. -It does. It feels really good. -感觉真棒 -是啊，非常棒。 Oh, look. And we get these free T-shirts. 还有免费T恤拿 Actually, that's the shirt I wore to the gym. 那是我健身穿的 It's moist. 难怪是湿的 -Hi. Emma will be up in a minute. -Oh, good. -艾玛会很快起床的 -哦，天啊。 Hey, Ross, listen. I heard about you and Charlie. I'm really sorry. 嘿，罗斯 听说你跟查莉的事了, 替你难过 That's okay. I'm sure there are tons of other beautiful paleontologists out there. 没事, 美貌的考古学家多的是! -Absolutely. -There was one. She's it. -当然! -只有一个!就是她! All the rest look like they should live under a bridge. 其他的就好象是桥洞居民一样! So, what are you gonna do today? 今天想怎么玩? I was thinking of taking Emma to the playground. 带艾玛去街心游乐场怎么样? Oh, my God. What? 什么? Like I said, I was thinking of taking Emma to the Museum of Knives and Fire. 我又没说带她去武器弹药博物馆 Okay, look, Ross. I do not want Emma going to the playground. 我反对艾玛去游乐场 Because..? 因为? All right, if you must know, I had a traumatic.. 好吧，如果你想知道… swing incident when I was little. 我小时候荡秋千遇险 -Seriously? -Yes. I was 4 years old. -真的? -我才四岁 And I was on the swing.. 我荡秋千 and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. 突然头发缠到铁链 And to get me out, my mom had to cut a big chunk of my hair. 结果老妈剪掉我一大缕头发, 才救我出来 And it was uneven for weeks. 结果有好几星期头发都不整齐 And you made it through that? 你竟熬了过来? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie. 简直可以拍成电影 Okay, fine, you can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there. 你尽管拿我取笑, 反正我就是不想艾玛去 And I was thinking Claire Danes. 而且我在想克莱尔·丹妮丝 Look, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy. 你的悲剧令我同情 But the swings are perfectly safe. And besides, Emma loves them. 不过秋千很安全 而且艾玛喜欢荡秋千 -You should come, and you'll see. -Those things go, like,40 miles an hour. -我们同去, 你就知道了 -秋千速度40英里/小时 And there's that moment when you're at the top.. 荡到高处 when you just don't know if you're gonna return back to Earth. 鬼才知道会不会返回地球 Space is filled with orbiting children. 宇宙充满小孩子绕轨道运行 Look, please, just come on. 来嘛 When you see the look on Emma's face, I swear, you won't regret it. 你若看见艾玛的表情, 决不会后悔 -All right. -Good. -好吧 -太好了。 You don't wanna be a mom who passes her irrational fears to her children. 你不会像有的妈妈那样 把自己愚昧的恐惧遗传给小孩吧 "Irrational, " huh? 愚昧? I'll remember that next time you freak out about a spider in your apartment. 下次你被家里的蜘蛛吓到 我们再谈这个话题 That's the same. I'm sure there are 30 different species of poisonous swings. 这两个可以相提并论吗! 秋千上有30种毒液? Oh, my God. The adoption lady is early. 哦，天，领养中心的来早了 Okay. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. 好的好的.镇静镇静!!! Stand up straight. 站直咯 Big smile. 微笑 Hello. Is this the Creepy residence? 你好, 请问这是"毛骨悚然"家吗? We're waiting for the adoption lady. But I'm glad you're here. 还以为是领养中心的来了 你来得正好 I was cleaning this morning and I found this. 今早打扫时发现的, 不知道你用不用得上 I don't know if you wanna use it, but.. 我不知道你是不是想用, 但是......... Oh, this is so sweet of you. 你真好 But I won't be needing a veil. I actually won't be wearing a dress at all. 不过我不需要头纱, 我根本不需要服装 I told you, I am not coming to a naked wedding! 裸体婚礼, 我不会参加的! No. We're not having a big reception. 我们不会开招待会 We took the wedding money and donated it to a children's charity. 我们把婚礼经费捐给儿童慈善事业了 That's crazy! 你疯啦? -Generous. -Crazy generous. -慷慨啊！ -你疯啦? I'm sorry. I can't imagine giving up my one wedding day like that. 抱歉, 只是无法想象. 一生只有一次啊 Well, we're different. I don't care about having a huge party. 我们不一样! 我不在乎什么盛大婚礼 This is really nice for you, but.. 头纱是很美, 但是 Oh, please. I put this on and I just look like.. 你看我戴上, 简直就-- Well, radiant. 美极 All right, but who cares? I don't need a pretty veil and a fancy dress. 管它!我不需要头纱婚纱这些玩意 That's right. You're making a commitment. 对! 你们是互许终身 You know, that's the same whether you do it at the Plaza or.. 不管在广场举行还是别的什么地方都是一样 -Where you gonna do it? -City Hall. -你选了啥地方? -市政厅 Oh, that sounds nice. 好地方 I was just there for jury duty. They've really spruced that place up. 市政厅的人该忙不过来了 Okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I've made my decision. 没关系, 这是我自己的决定 What I really want is a great big wedding. 但我真正想要的, 只是一个盛大的婚礼 -But you gave all the money to charity. -Well, I'll just ask for it back. -但钱已经捐啦 -可以要回来 -I don't think you can do that. -Why not? -不行吧 -怎么不行? This is her wedding day. That's way more important than some stupid kids. 她结婚!这可比什么 愚蠢的小孩子重要多了! That's sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption lady. 说得好, 省着点, 等领养中心的人来了 再表演不好吗 -All right, okay. Be careful. -Okay. -好，准备就绪 -好 Careful. Watch her hair. Watch her hair! 小心, 小心她头发 -Rach, she's got, like, three hairs. -I know. I know. -她才三根毛! -我知道，我知道 But they're just so beautiful. Oh, my God, I just pulled one out. 但是很漂亮 糟糕, 扯掉一根 I promise you she's safe. Watch how much she loves this. 我保证，她很安全, 你看她多喜欢玩秋千 -Okay. Okay. -Are you ready, sweetie? Here we go. -好吧好吧 -你准备好了吗, 亲爱的? 开始喽 Okay, careful. Okay. 小心 She's smiling. 她笑了 Look at that, she does like it. 她真的很喜欢 See, I told you. 看, 我告诉过你的吧 Oh, my God. Look at her, she's a little daredevil. 哦, 天啊, 看看她, 真有不怕死的精神. -Oh, God. Let me push. Can I push? -Oh, absolutely. -让我推好不好? -哦，当然。 Oh, God. Okay, get the camera. It's in the diaper bag. 你拿相机, 在尿布包里 Okay. 好。 See? Scared of the swings. I bet you feel pretty silly. 还怕秋千, 真够傻吧? -We're asking for the money back? -It's for our wedding day. -我们真要把钱要回来? -结婚要用! Now, is this guy gay or straight? Because one of us has to start flirting. 这小子喜欢男的女的? 我们非得出美人计 You here to make another donation the same day? 同一天捐两次钱 I don't think that's ever happened before. 前所未有呢 Gay. Go. 是个同性恋, 你上 Oh, my God, I love your shirt. 你衣裳真帅 The donation we made earlier? Well, we want it back. 今天捐的钱, 我们想要回 Excuse me? 啊? Okay, that money was for a big wedding we thought we didn't want. 那是办婚礼的钱, 我们本想从简 But it turns out we do. 但现在我们改变了主意 So you're asking us to refund your donation to the children? 要我们退还你们捐给孩子们的钱? Yeah. 对! This feels really good. 听来不错 I'm sorry. I am. But this wedding's just really important to me. 对不起, 但婚礼对我相当重要 Hey, it's none of my business. Besides, this is probably a good thing. 关我啥事 这也许是好事 We've really been spoiling the children, what with all the food and warm clothing. 别把孩子惯坏了 让他们吃饱穿暖怎么行 That's not fair. A person's wedding is important. 这么说不公平, 结婚是大事 And especially to me. 尤其对我! I didn't have a graduation party. And I didn't go to prom. 我没参加过毕业典礼, 没有毕业舞会 And I spent my sweet 16 being chased around a tire yard.. 在我的甜蜜16岁, by an escaped mental patient who, in his own words, wanted to: 我被精神病人狂追 他还说 "Kill me, or whatever." "杀了我什么的" So I deserve a real celebration. 我应当有个隆重的婚礼! And I'm not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it. 你个流汗男, 别想让我内疚! She could've been talking about either one of us. 她可能在说我们中的一个 Okay. Here we go. 好的, 来吧 Good luck. 祝好运 Tongue, really? 舌吻? Hi, I'm Laura. I'm here for your adoption interview. 我叫劳拉, 我来做领养家访 Hi, I'm Monica. And this is Chandler. 我叫莫妮卡, 这是钱德 -Please come in. -Thank you. -请进！ -谢谢 -Would you like something to drink? -Water would be fine. -请进.喝点什么? -喝水可以了 We're so glad that you're here. 很高兴你终于来了 We're excited about getting this process started. 我们好兴奋，要开始领养小孩了 Because we love kids. Love them to death. 我们爱小孩, 爱得要死 Well, not actually to death. That's just a figure of speech. 不是要孩子"死", 只是修辞手法 We love kids the appropriate amount.. 我们爱孩子, 不多不少 as allowed by law. 符合法律法规 -Your place is just lovely. -Thank you. -你们家好可爱 -谢谢 Yes, this building does have a wholesome, family feel to it. 这栋楼有很多家住户 I feel like I've been here before. Any other couples in the building adopting? 我好象来过, 这里还有谁申请领养? Is that that couple on the first floor? We should get a baby before them. 一楼那家? 我们应该比他们先要孩子 That guy tried to sell me drugs. 他还想卖毒品给我 But other than that, wholesome, wholesome building. 其他都是好人 -What? -I realized why I remember this place. -怎么？ -我想起来了, 难怪来过 -Really? What is it? -Oh, it's nothing. -怎么? -哦，没什么！ I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building. It didn't end very well. 我和一个男人约会, 结果无疾而终 That wouldn't, by any chance, be Joey Tribbiani? 那人该不是叫乔伊崔比阿尼吧? -Yes! -Of course it was. -就是他! -当然是他 We had a great night. In the morning, he promised he'd call and he didn't. 良宵过后, 他说他再打电话给我 结果再没联络! Rat bastard! 这混球! -So you're not friends with him? -Oh, God, no. -你们该不是他朋友? -当然不是!不! -No, no, no. -No. Nope. -当然不是!不! -当然不是！ Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. 抱歉提这事 So are either one of you planning on staying at home? 那么你们当中有人打算待在家里吗？ Hello? Anybody in there order a celebrity? 有人吗? 名人驾到 What was that? 什么人? That's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. 过道上的疯子 He's great with kids, though. 不过他对小孩很慈祥 -Ross. Oh, my God, are you okay? -Son of a bitch! -罗斯，噢，天啊， 你还好? -他娘的! Oh, relax. I didn't say the F-word. 别紧张，我又没说F打头那个字! Ross, see, I told you! Those swings are evil! 罗斯，看, 早告诉你了, 秋千危险 That's the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life. 算了, 这辈子再也不许艾玛接近它 No, no, no. Okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault. 别这样, 不是秋千的错, 是我错 And kind of that kid's fault. 还有他的错 Who is still laughing. Nice. 他还笑, 算你恨 Come on. Can we just get out of here before somebody else gets hurt? 在再有人受伤之前，我们走吧 No. Wait. I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing.. 这样吧, 你去荡秋千, 你就会… and you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of. 发现那有多安全 I know what this is all about. 我明白了 You've always been jealous of my hair. 你一贯嫉妒我头发 I just think you're an adult, okay? And you should get over your silly fears. 这才是成年人的做法 克服愚蠢的恐惧 -All right, fine. I'll do it. -Good. -好!谁怕谁 -好！ -If you hold a spider. -Where?! Where?! -如果你敢抓蜘蛛 -在哪儿? If you hold a spider. 我说"如果"你敢抓蜘蛛 I know. 听见了 Guys, is everything okay? It's me, Joey. 没事吧? 是我, 乔伊-- Adoption! 领养! What's going on? 到底什么事? Oh, it's just like I said, that crazy.. 就是那个疯子... Bert, roaming the halls. 叫bert的 在过道上跑 -Guys? -Keep on roaming, Bert! -嗨！ -bert, 接着跑 We don't want any crazy today! 今天我们不看你疯了 Is he all right out there by himself? 他独自一个在外面，不会出事吧? Oh, yeah. He has a caretaker. His older brother.. 没事, 他哥照顾他 Ernie. 叫ernie -Bert and Ernie? -You can't make this stuff up. -Bert 和 Ernie? (芝麻街的动画角色)? -无巧不成书 -What's going on? -We'll talk later! Everything's fine! -怎么了？ -我们等会再说，一切都好！ Everything doesn't sound fine. 听起来一切都不好！ Bert and Ernie have a big yellow bird. Bert 和 Ernie 有一只大黄鸟！ You never told me about that guy and your sweet 16. 你没说过你16岁时被男人追杀的故事 -I'm sorry about that. -Oh, it ended okay. -真可怜 -结局还算好 One of my friends shot him. 我朋友毙了他 At least you'll get a proper wedding. You really deserve that. 至少你会有个体面婚礼, 你该得的 Yeah, I really do. You know, I had nothing growing up. 没错, 我这辈子还没风光过 Just like the kids I took the money from. 就像被我剥夺金钱的那些孩子一样 No. No, no. I see where this is going. Don't make me go back there. 看出你苗头了, 别又想让我退回去 I'm sorry, but I want to regive the money to the children. 抱歉, 但我又想把钱给孩子们了 But we can't. I mean, you called that guy a sweaty little man. 但是我们不能, 我是说 你管那男人叫流汗男 Unless you were talking about me. We never really cleared that up. 除非你在说我 我们从没真正弄干净过 Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted. 我不能用这钱办婚事, 这不道德 Fine, we'll give the money back. 好吧, 退回去作数 If that guy at the charity gives us a hard time.. 如果慈善捐助处那家伙又叫咱们难看 my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really long time. 我朋友的老枪好久没见过血了 I must say this seems like a lovely environment to raise a child in. 我想说, 这个家庭培养小孩似乎很理想 You are welcome to look under any of the furniture.. 你尽可以在各种家具下面搜查 because, believe me, you won't find any porn or cigarettes under there. 绝无色情书刊和香烟什么的! Before we look around, let me make sure I have everything I need up to here. 在到处看看之前, 要问你们一些问题 Why don't I show you the baby's room. 带你看看婴儿房 -What are you doing? -You wouldn't let me in. -你干啥? -你不让我进来 -I thought you were in trouble. -Well, we're not. -我以为你们出事了 -才没有! But you called me "Bert." 但你叫我"bert", That's our code word for danger. 那是"危险"的暗号 -We don't have a code word. -We don't? -我们没约定过什么暗号 -是吗？ We really should. 应该约一个 From now on, "Bert" will be our code word for danger. 从今往后，"bert"就用来作为 遇到危险的暗号 So that was the baby's room. 参观完婴儿房 -What room should we see next? -Any room that isn't behind this couch. -下面参观哪里？ -除了沙发下面都可以参观！ Some people don't get him, but I think he's really funny. 有些人不懂他的笑话 但我觉得他真幽默 I did not care for that. 我不在乎被你粗暴对待 You have to leave. 你得回避 You slept with our social worker and never called her back. 你和这个社工睡过，再没联络她 She is still pissed, so she can't see you. 她还在生你的气，不能让她见你 Okay, okay. 好，好，好！我躲起来 -What? -I forgot my bat. -怎么了？ -忘了拿球棒 Oh, my God. 天！ And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! 最后警告，我们不想和你做朋友！ And we don't wanna buy your bat! 也不想买你的球棒！ What are you doing here? 你在这儿干什么？ Bert. Bert. Bert. Bert. Bert. Bert. Bert. Bert. -Are you friends with him? -I can explain. -你们是朋友？ -我来解释 Joey? 乔伊你说 All right. Okay. 好吧！ You have got some nerve coming back here. 你还敢回来 -I can't believe you never called me. -Excuse me? -你竟不打电话给我 -啊？ You probably don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way. 你连我名字也忘了，我叫乔伊 And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it, lady. 不必说你的名字，我记得，女士 I waited weeks for you to call me. 我一直等你电话 I gave you my number. You never called me. 我给你电话号码，你没联络我 Don't try to turn this around on me. 还想栽赃给我 I am not some kind of social work.. 我可不是让你 that you can just.. 为所欲为的 do. ＂社工＂ -I'm pretty sure I gave you my number. -Really? Think about it. Come on. -我确信给过你电话 -真的？你想想看 You're a beautiful woman. Smart, funny. 你漂亮，聪明，有趣 We had a really good time. 咱们春风一度 If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you? 如果我有你电话，怎么可能不打给你？ I don't know. 我就是不知道呀 Well, maybe I'm wrong. I'm sorry. 可能我搞错了，对不起 Hey, too late for apologies. Okay? You broke my heart. 现在道歉太晚啦 你伤了我的心 You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? 就为了忘掉你，我睡了多少女人啊！ -Joey, wait.. -No! -乔伊，等等 -不！ I waited a long time! I can't wait anymore. 我等得够久，不可能再等了 I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm so embarrassed. 抱歉让你们笑话了，真尴尬 -Oh, that's really okay. -Yeah. We totally understand. -没事， -我们理解 -Dating is hard. -Boy, you people are nice. -约会可够人受的 -你们真是好人 And I've got to say.. 我得说… I think you're going to make excellent parents. 你们一定会是很棒的父母 Laura! 劳拉！ We're back. 我们回来啦 Are you here to take more money? 还想要钱 Because I think what you're looking for is an ATM. 你们应该找提款机 No, no, we're here to give the money back. 不不, 我们把钱退给你们 Yeah. Because you know what? It's all about the children. 为了孩子 Although it's also about the wedding. 至于我们的婚礼 All right, here. No. Oh, God. 好吧, 给.不要!喔天啊! If I haven't said so already, sir, congratulations. 好象忘了道喜，恭喜你们 Oh, wait. Wait. 哦, 等等 What if we give half to the charity and we keep half? 如果我们捐一半留一半呢? Or, no, like,75 percent for us and 25 percent for.. Or, no, like,90-10. 或者, 就象我们留75%, 而另外25%... 或者, 就象9--1分帐.... 404

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