[00:00:00] High in Church - Trevor Moore [00:00:08] I'm high in church [00:00:09] I'm high in church [00:00:10] Oh law forgive me [00:00:12] This is the worst [00:00:13] I'm high in church [00:00:15] I'm high in church [00:00:16] Oh god please help me [00:00:18] This is the worst [00:00:19] 'Cuz he brought a bag of shrooms and pot [00:00:22] And I'm new to this I'm just learnin' [00:00:24] Got a little too high on accident [00:00:26] Yeah that's right not on purpose [00:00:28] Then mom busted in my room [00:00:30] And said we have to go to midnight service [00:00:31] We're in the minivan [00:00:32] And my friends don't understand [00:00:34] I'm freaking out here man [00:00:36] Trying to remember who I am [00:00:37] My mom is talking to me [00:00:39] And that's just making it worse [00:00:40] We walk into the lobby [00:00:41] Oh shit I'm high in church [00:00:44] I'm high in church [00:00:45] I'm high in church [00:00:46] Oh god please help me [00:00:48] This is the worst [00:00:49] I'm high in church [00:00:51] I'm high in church [00:00:52] I'm high as hell [00:00:54] This is the worst [00:00:55] Go and a pew [00:00:56] I'm freaking out don't know what to do [00:00:58] There's an old war vet snoring next to me [00:00:59] And I think he's been here since world war 2 [00:01:01] I'm peaking here [00:01:02] I'm wigging out [00:01:02] They know I'm stoned [00:01:03] There is no doubt [00:01:04] Brian is reading the bible and laughing [00:01:05] I plead for him to cut it out [00:01:07] But he's giggling loud he starts to cry [00:01:08] He's turning red I don't know why [00:01:10] He's like a goddamn neon billboard saying [00:01:12] Hey y'all we're super high [00:01:13] I ask him what his problem is [00:01:14] And what's making him laugh [00:01:16] He points to a verse that says [00:01:17] The lord opened up the mouth of an ass [00:01:19] Oh my god that's super gross [00:01:20] Why the hell is that in there [00:01:22] My mom shushes both of us [00:01:23] And people turn around and stare [00:01:25] I take the book from brian [00:01:26] The choir begins to sing [00:01:28] It dawns on me that I've [00:01:29] Never actually read this thing [00:01:31] I opened up the pages [00:01:32] And then start flipping through [00:01:34] I find it calms me down [00:01:35] And gives my mind something to do [00:01:37] It says some beautiful [00:01:38] Things about forgiveness and love [00:01:40] 'Til I get to the end when god comes back [00:01:42] Wilds out and straight up f**ks earth up [00:01:43] Holy shit did you know this [00:01:44] Read this last part what the f**k [00:01:46] Spoiler alert god comes back with dragons [00:01:47] And murders everyone [00:01:49] What happened to the lovey dovey [00:01:51] Stuff from the other verse [00:01:52] Oh shit man I can't handle this right now [00:01:54] I'm high in church [00:01:56] I'm high in church [00:01:57] I'm high in church [00:01:58] Oh god please help me [00:02:00] This is the worst [00:02:01] I'm high in church [00:02:03] I'm high in church [00:02:04] I'm high as hell [00:02:06] This is the worst [00:02:07] Need to get where no one can see [00:02:08] So I excuse myself to take a pee [00:02:10] But in the bathroom my old youth pastor [00:02:11] Comes up and stands next to me [00:02:13] Oh great he's probably gonna start [00:02:14] Yapping about how my soul is eternal [00:02:16] But instead he justs asks why my pants [00:02:17] Are down at the urinal [00:02:19] Oops umm sorry about that [00:02:20] Nice to see you gotta go [00:02:22] Oh my god I'm high as balls [00:02:23] And there's no way he doesn't know [00:02:25] Shit is getting out of hand [00:02:26] I'm getting higher [00:02:27] Need to make a plan [00:02:28] Maybe tell mom I'm sick [00:02:29] And try to get the keys to [00:02:30] Sleep this off in the van [00:02:31] I scoot back to my seat and [00:02:32] Notice everyone has stopped singing 404

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