[00:00:00] 本字幕由腾讯音乐天琴实验室独家AI字幕技术生成
[00:00:00] 守法朝朝忧闷
[00:00:02] 强梁夜夜欢歌
[00:00:05] 损人利己骑马骡
[00:00:08] 正直公平挨饿
[00:00:10] 修桥补路瞎眼**放火的儿多
[00:00:15] 我到西天问我佛佛说
[00:00:19] 我也没辙
[00:00:24] 给大伙儿说一段
[00:00:26] 单口相声
[00:00:28] 且跟班
[00:00:30] 说的不好
[00:00:32] 但是呢
[00:00:34] 有膀子力气
[00:00:38] 有多大劲儿
[00:00:38] 使多大劲儿
[00:00:41] 这膀子力气咯
[00:00:42] 到河边儿卸车去
[00:00:44] 早发财啦
[00:00:47] 可是呢
[00:00:49] 又舍不得
[00:00:51] 从小学的相声
[00:00:53] 下过功夫
[00:00:55] 不愿意把它丢了
[00:00:58] 所以说呢
[00:00:59] 勉为其难
[00:01:02] 说的不好
[00:01:04] 但是话说回来了
[00:01:06] 相声本身
[00:01:08] 什么叫好什么叫不好
[00:01:11] 也很难
[00:01:12] 下一个定义
[00:01:14] 同样一个作品
[00:01:16] 张三老师跟着说完了
[00:01:19] 站起60 多人来这叫什么玩意儿
[00:01:23] 说的说的不好
[00:01:25] 又站起70 多人了
[00:01:27] 我们很喜欢听
[00:01:29] 这就难了
[00:01:32] 想当初
[00:01:32] 孔夫子周游列国
[00:01:35] 走到大路中间瞧这俩小孩儿跟着玩儿呢
[00:01:40] 一块胶泥拿水活完了弄这么大呢
[00:01:43] 啵啵啪一拍正当中
[00:01:46] 拍出移动来这孩子说了你瞧这窟窿
[00:01:51] 内涵
[00:01:51] 嗯
[00:01:52] 这是个眼儿
[00:01:54] 打起来了
[00:01:56] 孔圣人打折故意下车
[00:01:57] 别闹
[00:01:57] 别闹什么事儿
[00:01:58] 我说是窟窿
[00:02:00] 我说是演圣人
[00:02:01] 您说说吧
[00:02:02] 圣人了窟窿眼儿啊
[00:02:08] 很多事情都是可以两面儿来说的啊
[00:02:14] 就跟咱们平时聊天儿似的
[00:02:17] 某人
[00:02:17] 某人那不懂装懂
[00:02:19] 哎
[00:02:20] 某人是真懂哦
[00:02:22] 某人是真不懂
[00:02:25] 各式各样的人
[00:02:26] 人上10 0形形色色色
[00:02:29] 啊
[00:02:29] 每个人都不一样
[00:02:32] 有真不懂的吗
[00:02:33] 有
[00:02:35] 确实发自内心真不明白
[00:02:38] 反正你看
[00:02:40] 早年间
[00:02:42] 70 年代吧
[00:02:43] 六七十年代
[00:02:46] 咱们农村大部分地区还很贫穷
[00:02:49] 村里人谁要是有块手表
[00:02:52] 那就了不起了
[00:02:54] 某位
[00:02:56] 农村青年
[00:02:58] 晋城捡块表
[00:03:00] 带着回去
[00:03:01] 全村轰动
[00:03:03] 了不得了
[00:03:04] 女朋友以这个为自豪
[00:03:07] 俺们家有块表
[00:03:11] 俺们有块表
[00:03:12] 小伙子很高兴啊
[00:03:14] 到哪都这样走到天桥去啊
[00:03:19] 站在地边上
[00:03:20] 女朋友还问呢
[00:03:22] 几点了
[00:03:25] 看日头七八点钟了吧
[00:03:29] 这也没用上
[00:03:32] 嗯
[00:03:32] 这是真不懂
[00:03:34] 那也有这个说不懂装懂的
[00:03:37] 有吗
[00:03:39] 也有啊
[00:03:41] 有小故事就说这个码
[00:03:43] 马路边儿上
[00:03:46] 来两位念书人赶考的橘子
[00:03:50] 皇上开了课选了哥俩进京要求关去
[00:03:54] 搞到这儿勒住马驿桥喝有一个庙
[00:03:59] 赶考的人
[00:04:00] 有一毛病
[00:04:02] 逢庙必烧香见佛就磕头
[00:04:07] 就在家里出来啊
[00:04:08] 家住海南岛
[00:04:11] 奔北京赶考去啊
[00:04:14] 一路上有庙就磕头大庙小庙香炉之马跟着烧啊
[00:04:19] 保佑我们今天赶考能得中一道科科的北京
[00:04:23] 啊
[00:04:23] 我们来赶考来来早了啊
[00:04:26] 还没到日子呢
[00:04:27] 哼
[00:04:28] 都出来二年了
[00:04:29] 没到日子啊
[00:04:31] 你们出来那年就考完了哈
[00:04:34] 又过三年了
[00:04:36] 喝吧
[00:04:36] 有两位一桥
[00:04:38] 这儿有一庙什么庙呢
[00:04:39] 供奉着宋太祖赵匡胤的庙太祖庙
[00:04:43] 阿泰大伙儿都知道大字底一点祖祖宗的祖太祖庙这儿挂着匾
[00:04:50] 这两位坐在马上一雷丝将呵呵
[00:04:54] 大姐庙冯庙烧香啊
[00:04:57] 来吧
[00:04:58] 咱们看看大姐去扒下来拴好了马哥儿俩进来了
[00:05:05] 一进门一瞧这神像
[00:05:07] 宋太祖赵匡胤大红脸呢
[00:05:09] 哎
[00:05:09] 你这脑袋跟九嫂儿似的
[00:05:11] 柳长仁
[00:05:13] 啊
[00:05:13] 坐在这儿
[00:05:15] 这也不像大姐啊
[00:05:19] 大姐出去了
[00:05:20] 这是大姐夫呢
[00:05:24] 来吧
[00:05:25] 咱们咱们逢庙烧香吧
[00:05:27] 俩人出去了
[00:05:28] 买的什么香辣鸭之马啊啊
[00:05:31] 胭脂扑粉凤冠霞帔花衣裳买回来了啊
[00:05:36] 给太祖都带上了抹一脸
[00:05:39] 花粉弄几朵花
[00:05:40] 凤冠霞帔
[00:05:41] 穿好了磕四个头
[00:05:43] 保佑我们赶考得中啊
[00:05:45] 谢谢大姐夫啊
[00:05:47] 俩人走了神仙
[00:05:49] 每年有一聚会
[00:05:51] 三月三王母娘娘过生日
[00:05:54] 各路神仙啊
[00:05:55] 都来了啊
[00:05:56] 上八仙下八仙啊
[00:05:58] 都来给王母娘娘庆寿
[00:06:01] 南天门外四大金刚跟着正站着呢
[00:06:04] 大姐夫那边了啊
[00:06:07] 李桥往长金盔金甲啊
[00:06:10] 骑着红马拎着大刀
[00:06:11] 今年一瞧
[00:06:12] 不是啊
[00:06:13] 凤冠霞帔
[00:06:14] 胭脂扑粉带着花儿抹着口红
[00:06:17] 拿小扇子扭一扭就来了啊
[00:06:20] 四大金刚你问他
[00:06:21] 这怎么回事儿
[00:06:22] 你这个太祖
[00:06:23] 这怎么意思
[00:06:24] 太祖眼泪都下来了
[00:06:26] 没办法来俩小舅子不认识字给我倒饬
[00:06:31] 哈哈
[00:06:35] 这不懂装懂
[00:06:37] 当然了
[00:06:38] 还有一种人
[00:06:40] 你说他不懂吧
[00:06:41] 他要懂你说的懂吧
[00:06:43] 他要闹点儿笑话出来挺有意思的
[00:06:46] 今天故事的主人公
[00:06:49] 就是这么一位
[00:06:51] 谁呀
[00:06:52] 是一个乡下的孩子
[00:06:54] 也没有大号啊
[00:06:57] 反正知道姓赵在家呢
[00:06:59] 行思儿
[00:07:01] 啊
[00:07:01] 大伙儿三儿三儿就喊他
[00:07:05] 也没有正经事儿干
[00:07:07] 祖祖辈辈儿呢
[00:07:09] 给人家看坟
[00:07:11] 过去农村有这个城里边儿富户人家死人埋在这儿了
[00:07:16] 这坟
[00:07:17] 闺女们给照看着
[00:07:20] 定时的配土啊
[00:07:22] 扫扫地啊
[00:07:23] 给看着坟
[00:07:24] 他们家就干这个的
[00:07:26] 老头活的时候呢就干这个
[00:07:28] 后来累死了
[00:07:29] 这三呢
[00:07:30] 替他爸爸干这个
[00:07:32] 坟旁边呢
[00:07:33] 还有点儿地连地一块种着
[00:07:36] 这坟是谁家的呢
[00:07:37] 可了不得了北京城里边有一位曾九爷其人
[00:07:43] 八旗子弟跟皇室还沾亲戚
[00:07:47] 嗯
[00:07:47] 他们家的坟扫给看着
[00:07:51] 这一年呢
[00:07:52] 九爷传话
[00:07:53] 让三儿
[00:07:55] 进北京上家来一趟
[00:07:57] 有事儿说
[00:08:00] 那么说找他干嘛呢
[00:08:02] 说来话长
[00:08:04] 曾九爷别桥啊
[00:08:06] 官儿挺大
[00:08:07] 钱也是很有一些
[00:08:10] 但是呢为人吝啬
[00:08:12] 尤其是对家里这些个家奴院工啊
[00:08:16] 非常的苛刻
[00:08:17] 大伙儿都讨厌他
[00:08:19] 后来呢
[00:08:21] 找不着长工找不着管家
[00:08:23] 家里就剩两口子所有人连厨子都跑了
[00:08:27] 怎么呢
[00:08:28] 他不给人钱吃饭
[00:08:30] 不管饱
[00:08:31] 一天到晚脾气还挺大
[00:08:33] 除了打就是骂
[00:08:34] 想一出是一出谁伺候的了
[00:08:36] 我都走了
[00:08:38] 哎
[00:08:38] 这天四月26
[00:08:41] 赠酒啊
[00:08:42] 有一朋友
[00:08:44] 啊住在坛子胡同焖三爷
[00:08:48] 啊
[00:08:49] 罐儿胡同儿憋四哥啊
[00:08:52] 他们都是不错的朋友
[00:08:55] 闷三爷过生日
[00:08:57] 啊
[00:08:57] 找自己这帮朋友来呀
[00:09:00] 来百兽来呀啊
[00:09:02] 让他们大伙都来
[00:09:03] 九月一琢磨我是得去可有一节
[00:09:07] 我不能光杆儿一个人儿去
[00:09:09] 怎么着
[00:09:10] 我也得待一伙计逮一管子
[00:09:13] 可是呢
[00:09:13] 招不上人来
[00:09:14] 无论上哪去
[00:09:15] 我们家招人一听曾玖爷家不去
[00:09:19] 实在没辙了
[00:09:21] 想到这三了
[00:09:23] 但凡有人也不用他
[00:09:26] 为什么呢
[00:09:27] 这几年跟三儿九爷也是没少生气
[00:09:31] 这几亩地归三种
[00:09:34] 说的挺好
[00:09:34] 你中吧啊
[00:09:37] 曾有一琢磨这小子痴傻呆捏的
[00:09:40] 我得瞧使唤人这地是闺女中啊
[00:09:46] 也甭找你要钱了啊
[00:09:48] 到秋后收了之后
[00:09:50] 地上所有收的东西全是我的到秋后拉了四大车种的白薯啊
[00:09:57] 白薯都留下了地上
[00:09:59] 这些个都拉来了
[00:10:01] 九爷气的
[00:10:03] 呵呵好算你狠啊
[00:10:05] 算你狠
[00:10:09] 明年改章程啊
[00:10:11] 睇下边是我地上是你的
[00:10:13] 三挺听话啊
[00:10:14] 第二年种的高粱啊
[00:10:17] 上面都留下了点根子都拉来了啊
[00:10:20] 六车更多了
[00:10:21] 这回啊
[00:10:23] 都学院里头了哈
[00:10:25] 比三年咱们这样吧
[00:10:27] 三儿啊
[00:10:28] 上下两头儿啊
[00:10:29] 这都是我的当间儿是你的ID 3年挺好种的玉米啊
[00:10:34] 底下那根儿上面的柜子都给拉来了啊
[00:10:36] 十个车都卸院里了
[00:10:38] 九月气的滚滚滚
[00:10:40] 不喊你别来啊
[00:10:42] 啊
[00:10:43] 你说这三是真聪明是假
[00:10:45] 聪明啊
[00:10:47] 哎
[00:10:47] 这回叫他来是万不得已
[00:10:51] 把三叫来了一进门儿挺客气啊
[00:10:53] 往那一站啊
[00:10:55] 九爷您找我什么事儿啊
[00:10:57] 没德性儿一炸
[00:11:01] 赶紧说呀
[00:11:02] 明儿啊
[00:11:03] 随份子去
[00:11:05] 坛子火腿儿
[00:11:06] 闷三爷
[00:11:09] 我咋恁三哥啊
[00:11:11] 去年过生日咱们去了
[00:11:13] 这不又闷一年了吗
[00:11:16] 明天我去拜寿
[00:11:18] 你跟我去啊
[00:11:20] A 熊我跟您去
[00:11:23] 技能点
[00:11:25] 听见了吗
[00:11:26] 到人家那儿处处都显出来
[00:11:29] 九爷带着人得聪明
[00:11:31] 所以您放心
[00:11:32] 我知道啦
[00:11:35] 这倒霉德行啊
[00:11:37] 当天晚上住这儿了
[00:11:39] 昨天早上起来啊
[00:11:42] 作业换好了医生
[00:11:43] 这是随份子去穿的不能寒碜
[00:11:47] 从里到外喝
[00:11:48] 把自己这身官服全穿上了
[00:11:51] 头戴缨帽
[00:11:52] 跑步这林子
[00:11:55] 里边儿穿上了
[00:11:56] 海水江崖的内衬
[00:11:58] 外面套纱褂子
[00:12:00] 都准备齐了挂上朝珠算珠手串儿
[00:12:04] 这谱的有啊
[00:12:05] 有bi Xia 拜匣里边呢
[00:12:08] 装着名片啊
[00:12:09] 李丹呢
[00:12:10] 都准备完搁边儿上
[00:12:12] 等着吧
[00:12:13] 一会儿工夫三个才来9 a
[00:12:17] 走吗
[00:12:19] 瞧你这恨得哼
[00:12:21] 快去的烟袋呢
[00:12:24] 我的烟拿着通通
[00:12:26] 九烟袋乌木杆儿翡翠的嘴儿白铜的锅
[00:12:32] 就这翡翠嘴儿价值连城
[00:12:35] 赞青碧绿啊
[00:12:37] 搁这儿一抽烟
[00:12:38] 整个脸翠绿啊
[00:12:41] 就这么绿啊
[00:12:43] 嘬了两口呢不通去通通去
[00:12:46] 哎
[00:12:47] 拿出来了
[00:12:48] 哪儿痛啊
[00:12:51] 外头外头伙房那儿墙上不挂着那个空调了吗
[00:12:57] 孩子真听话出来找转一圈
[00:13:00] 没有低头
[00:13:02] 乔见火筷子了
[00:13:04] 把火筷子吵起来了啊
[00:13:07] 往里面捅你想啊
[00:13:09] 这烟袋杆儿
[00:13:11] 比火筷子也粗不了多少
[00:13:13] 他能进得去吗
[00:13:15] 还真有主意
[00:13:16] 这头顶好了
[00:13:17] 杂没内锤子拿起来了
[00:13:20] 当啪裂了
[00:13:23] 当时就裂了
[00:13:24] 还纳闷
[00:13:26] 不禁砸呀
[00:13:28] 二舅爷喊快点完吧
[00:13:30] 关羽来了
[00:13:32] 你回头一瞧啊
[00:13:33] 墙上挂着一杆秤
[00:13:36] 称杆挺像这个的
[00:13:41] 他把这摘下来称沟子也去了绳子都摘了这头拧上白铜锅儿
[00:13:47] 这头儿拧上这翡翠嘴儿
[00:13:49] 嗯
[00:13:50] 挺像行了
[00:13:52] 拿出来装到盒里边儿
[00:13:55] 九月也没看
[00:13:57] 出来吧门口套好了车了
[00:14:00] 地上扔一小板凳增九爷踩着板凳上车先跪左腿往里转身
[00:14:06] 低头让着玲子一转身做进去了
[00:14:10] 按说呢三儿也得跟着车走
[00:14:13] 九爷住东城小哑巴胡同
[00:14:16] 到坛子胡同
[00:14:17] 25 里
[00:14:18] 可是呢
[00:14:19] 刚才生气这小子
[00:14:22] 太笨啊
[00:14:24] 你跟着车跑
[00:14:26] 歌后跑一会就到了
[00:14:29] 把尸阳便打车走了
[00:14:32] 三根号儿跑
[00:14:34] 25 里地
[00:14:36] 赶紧带着喘得说不出话来
[00:14:42] 有人报赠酒也到
[00:14:44] 闷三爷
[00:14:45] 憋死呀
[00:14:47] 一帮人全赢出来了
[00:14:49] Hu 9 哥9 D 9 叔叫什么都有远接高迎让您去
[00:14:55] 9月5日一做
[00:14:57] 要这谱啊啊
[00:14:59] 你这手串儿撇着大嘴的
[00:15:01] 大伙儿说话
[00:15:03] 在这旁边
[00:15:05] 三站在这儿啊
[00:15:06] 竟大喘气啊啊
[00:15:13] 满屋子都是官儿都纳闷
[00:15:18] 九爷现在这品味差多了往常戴的人多机灵啊
[00:15:24] 今儿是怎么了
[00:15:25] 这是
[00:15:26] 旁边有别人的跟班儿管着倒了杯茶
[00:15:30] 九爷您喝茶
[00:15:33] 九爷欠欠身有劳尊馆
[00:15:35] 这是客气有劳尊馆
[00:15:38] 还没说话
[00:15:39] 呢三儿接过来了
[00:15:41] 渴死我啦
[00:15:45] 满屋子人都看着九爷这脸跟山里红似的
[00:15:51] 啊啊啊啊啊啊
[00:15:53] 大伙儿一客气
[00:15:55] 哎
[00:15:56] 九爷您抽烟呢啊
[00:15:59] 我这待着呢
[00:16:01] 咋点烟回去
[00:16:04] 打开了毕恭毕敬地过去
[00:16:08] 九爷这首
[00:16:09] 抽了烟
[00:16:11] 三站在边上给点
[00:16:13] 嘴里嘬着这个回头还说话您最近挺好啊啊
[00:16:18] 还行是吧
[00:16:19] 点点
[00:16:20] 啊
[00:16:21] 有日子没瞧使劲快点快点
[00:16:25] 怎么呢
[00:16:26] 那玩意能通得了吗
[00:16:29] 撑杆啊
[00:16:30] 嗯
[00:16:31] 三很实在
[00:16:32] 他点上火搁那儿站着
[00:16:35] 这白铜锅儿都红了
[00:16:39] 这还作呢
[00:16:39] 腮帮都酸了
[00:16:41] 点它点它我让你痛
[00:16:44] 你痛吗
[00:16:45] 痛了
[00:16:46] 通啦
[00:16:47] 通了不找我
[00:16:49] 都过来怎么不着啊
[00:16:51] 您这个喝酒耶讲究啊
[00:16:54] 这烟袋还在盛兴子
[00:17:01] 气坏了啊
[00:17:03] 你瞧这个这什么呀
[00:17:05] 这事儿
[00:17:06] 唱歌儿啊
[00:17:08] 我那个呢
[00:17:10] She 了
[00:17:12] 滚犊子
[00:17:14] 转身出来了
[00:17:16] 来到外边找
[00:17:18] 九爷家那车呢
[00:17:19] 把事搁那儿怎么着怎么着啊
[00:17:22] 让咱俩滚回去
[00:17:24] 怎么刚来就翻车了
[00:17:26] 那走走走让走回去吧
[00:17:28] 三上车对对对
[00:17:31] 回家睡觉去了
[00:17:34] 九爷不知道跟大伙儿说话吧
[00:17:36] 吃饭聊天儿溜溜的一天
[00:17:39] 现在正在说话
[00:17:41] 晚上七点左右
[00:17:43] 这局儿33 了
[00:17:44] 那我告辞了
[00:17:45] 改天再来咱们大伙儿再聚一聚啊
[00:17:48] 再见
[00:17:48] 再见往门口走
[00:17:50] 大伙儿都送了送到门口儿这儿酒也得让都回去吧
[00:17:53] 都回去吧
[00:17:54] 好
[00:17:55] 那你慢点改天国服给您盗伐大伙儿都回去了
[00:17:59] 九月站着看吧
[00:18:00] 我那车呢
[00:18:02] 那是我的车
[00:18:04] 赶紧过来九爷您车回去啦
[00:18:07] 什么时候走的一早就回去了啊
[00:18:12] 您进去没多大功夫
[00:18:13] 他就走了说您让我回去啊
[00:18:16] 呵
[00:18:16] 这怎么办呢
[00:18:18] 手里还拖着呗霞
[00:18:20] 穿这身儿衣裳走到德迈四方步
[00:18:24] 过去是当官的了不得怎么呢
[00:18:26] 湿衣不乱步
[00:18:28] 啊
[00:18:29] 走在大街上也好在哪儿也好
[00:18:31] 迈四方步
[00:18:33] 为什么呢
[00:18:34] 不能有失官体很认真啊
[00:18:37] 慢慢的一步一步的走迈四方步
[00:18:40] 说下小雨了
[00:18:41] 哎
[00:18:42] 还这
[00:18:43] 终于是吧
[00:18:46] 大鱼
[00:18:49] 吓跑了吧
[00:18:52] 吓跑子受不了
[00:18:54] 啊
[00:18:55] 而且穿她这身儿捧着外霞啊
[00:18:58] 戴着缨帽穿这身儿衣裳
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