Mountain Billy the mountain A regular picturesque Postcardy mountain Residing between lovely Rosamond and Gorman With his stunning wife Ethell A tree A tree Billy was a mountain Ethel was a tree Growing off of his shoulder Billy was a mountain Ethel was a tree Growing off of his shoulder Billy had two big Caves for eyes With a cliff for a jaw That would go up 'n down And whenever it did He'd puff out some dust And hack up a boulder Hack Hack up a boulder Hack hack Hack up a boulder Hack hack hack Hack up a boulder Now one day a man in a checkered suit drove up in a big Lincoln continental and he laid a huge Bulging envelope right at the corner of billy the mountain Right where his 'foot' was supposed to be Now billy the mountain he couldn't believe it All those postcards he'd posed for for over these years And finally now at last his royalties Billy the mountain was rich his eyeball caves widened in amazement His cliff Which was his jaw It dropped thirty feet Ooh a bunch of dust puffed out rocks and boulders hacked up Hack hack hack hack hack hack hack Crushing 'the Lincoln' Now the man in the checkered suit well Without his car he went screaming off into the desert at sunset All the way to Rosamond to get a beer and tell everybody there Including Ronnie Cook what had happened to his car I gave him the money He acted real funny He hocked up a rock and It totaled my car Oh do you Know any trucks Might be bound for the Valley I don't want to stand here All night in this bar Dear lord I don't want to stand here All night in this bar No s**t I don't want to stand here All night in this bar By two o'clock and the bars are already closed down Billy had already broken 'the big news' to Ethel With dust and boulders everywhere billy choked with excitement announced Ethel we're going on a vacation Yes and they were going on a vacation Oh and Ethel Ethel Ethel Ethel just like a woman Of course she was delighted she creaked a little bit And some old birds flew off of her Hey Mr Tambourine Man play a song Billy told Ethel they were going to They were going to New York Ethel we're going to New York But first they were gonna stop in Las Vegas It's off to Las Vegas To check out the lounges Pull a few handles Drink a few beers Oh Ethel Ethel my darling You know that I love you I'm glad we could have a Vacation this year Oh neet o Glad we could have a Vacation this year They left that night crunchin' across the mojave desert Their voices echoing through the canyons of your minds Ethel want to get a cuppa cawfee There's a Howard Johnsons want to eat some clams The first noteworthy piece of real estate they destroyed was Edwards Air Force Base And to this very day 'wing nuts' and data reduction clerks alike Speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when Test stand number one and the rocket sled itself got LUNCHED By a famous mountain in and his small wooden wife Good bye to Las Vegas Farewell to the lounges We pulled a few handles We drank a few beers Guess that George Putnam Should be on the air now With the biggest new story That has broken this year George Putnam His biggest new story That has broken this year Take it away George Word just in to the KTTV news service undeniably links This mountain and his wife to d**g abuse And pay offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley smut ring However we can assure parents in the Southern California area That a recent narcotics crack down In Torrance Hawthorne Lomita Westchester Playa del Rey Santa Monica Tujunga Sunland San Fernando Pacoima Sylmar Newhall Canoga Park Palmdale Glendale Irwindale Rolling Hills Granada Hills Shadow Hills Cheviot Hills Will provide the secret evidence The Palmdale grand jury has needed to seek a criminal indictment And pave the way for stiffer legislation increased federal aid And avert a crippling strike of bartenders and veterinarians throughout the inland empire But it is this reporter's opinion that Ethel is a former Communist Within the week Jerry Lewis had hosted a telethon Wah wah wah nice lady To raise funds for the injured Injured And homeless Homeless In Denver As Billy had just levelled it and a few miles right outside of town Billy caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the earth's crust Right over the secret underground dumps where they keep the pools of old poison gas And obsolete germ bombs just as a freak tornado cruised through Sucking up two thirds of it Suck suck suck For untimely dispersal over vast stretches of WATTS Now it was about this time I think it was right outside of Columbus Ohio that billy got his notice to report for his induction physical Now believe me Ethel said she wasn't gonna let him go I'm not gonna let you go billy And george putnam the right wing creepo fascist pig newscaster from los angeles said Take it away george putnam The right wing fascist radical creepo pig newscaster from los angeles We now have confirmed reports from an informed orange county minister That ethell is still an active communist And it's this reporter's opinion that she also practices witch craft It was about this time that the telephone rang in the secret briefcase Belonging to the one mortal man Who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'america herself' Now some men say he looked like He looked like Felix Pappalardi Felix Pappalardi Still others say Others say Bulls**t man Bulls**t man He was just born He was born Next to the frozen beef pies at Gristede's Frozen beef pies Still others say Others say he was just another Again he was just a crazy Italian Crazy Italian Who drove a red car You see it was hard to tell But nobody knows Nobody knew for sure For sure He was so So Mysterious Mysterious Oh yes he was He was so He was so he was so Mysterious He was so Mysterious Cause when a person gets to be Such a hero folks And marvelous beyond compute You can never really tell About a guy like that Whether he's really a nice person Or if he just smiles a lot What Or if he has a son named 'pinocchio' Or what Whether he's really a nice person or if he has a son named 'pinocchio' or what Some men say he could fly Some men say he could swim Others say he could sing Like neil sedaka And all the girls in flushing Would be amazed of him Two three Amazed of him Time passes January February March July Wednesday August Irwindale 2:30 in the afternoon Sunday Monday Funny Cars Walnut Friday City of Industry Big John Mazamanian So when the phone rang In the secret briefcase Thank you A strong masculine hand With a wristwatch And flexy bracelet Grabbed it And answered In a deep calmly assured voice： Yes this is he what a mountain with a tree growing off of its shoulder You're fulla s**t man what what uh are are you sure Oh well alright let me write this down then sorta take a few notes here to new york Causing untold destruction My baby my baby my baby my baby oh My baby my baby my baby my baby My baby my baby My baby my baby my baby My baby my baby My baby my baby my baby Wanted for draft evasion Can I can I fly there immediately and reason with him An expense account and per diem too Some men say he could dance Yes he could dance And here it is ladies and gentlemen The studebaker hoch dancing lesson &cosmic prayer for guidance featuring aynsley dunbar Twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly hey Right hand from the heart uh Professional Left hand from the heart uh Exquisite Right hand from the heart uh Homunculus Left hand from the left shoulder To the heart uh Twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly hey There were a number of rumors circulating about studebaker hoch recently Consider if you will the rumors that have spread that he could write The lord's prayer on the head of a pin Some men say he could write the lord's prayer On the head of a Head of a Head of a pin Three dog night Yeah Other still maintain the fact Good god He was born next to the frozen beef pies And that was the main influence on him Boldly springing into action he phoned his wife Who ran a modeling school Whereupon she he ran around the back of 'gimbel's' To see if he could find some big un used cardboard boxes After which he hit up gristede's for some 'kaiser broiler foil' Some 'aunt jemima syrup' and a pair of blunt scissors hey hey 404

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