[00:00:00] The Song Of The 7 Inch Cowboy - Pain [00:00:01] I'm a seven inch cowboy [00:00:03] With a tiny pair of six guns [00:00:07] Five will get you ten [00:00:10] I betcha never seen one [00:00:19] Well I'm a seven inch cowboy [00:00:21] How do you be [00:00:23] And I'm used to people gawking [00:00:24] And a-staring at me [00:00:26] But I wasnt always so gol-darned wee [00:00:29] Let me tell you my story [00:00:30] You can listen for free [00:00:32] For seven long years [00:00:33] Now that's a year for every inch I stand [00:00:35] I've traveled small and lonely down [00:00:37] The byways of this giant land [00:00:38] Like a country western Lilliputian [00:00:40] Too afraid to stop [00:00:41] I'm at the bottom of the food chain [00:00:43] Whereas I once was at the top [00:00:45] I wandered on foot my horse had [00:00:47] Done abandoned me [00:00:48] And every town I come to's like a [00:00:50] Terrible dream [00:00:52] The other cowboys mocked me [00:00:53] And spit tobacco like meteors [00:00:55] Watching me dodge them and laughing [00:00:56] At my small squeaky scream [00:00:58] I went to a saloon to get a drink [00:01:00] They wouldn't serve me [00:01:01] They stuffed me in a glass and slid [00:01:02] Me up and down the bar [00:01:04] And all the barroom women gathered [00:01:06] Round and had their way with me [00:01:07] They sang a song both cold and mean [00:01:09] Cause that's how women are [00:01:10] They sang a man can pan for gold and [00:01:12] Strike it rich and be a millionaire [00:01:14] Or ride the rodeo and be the best one [00:01:16] At it anywhere [00:01:17] Drive a brand new car be a movie star [00:01:20] Size is all that counts and there you are [00:01:23] And I'm a seven-inch cowboy [00:01:26] With a tiny pair of six guns [00:01:30] Five will get you ten [00:01:32] I bet you never seen one [00:01:55] Now as you can imagine I'd grown [00:01:57] Pretty bitter [00:01:58] Although that's the only way in which [00:02:01] I had grown [00:02:02] And in that seventh year I finally [00:02:03] Found my transgressor [00:02:05] The man who had shrunk me the [00:02:06] Worst fiend I'd ever known [00:02:08] The mad Professor Mentley was [00:02:09] His name and I drew near [00:02:11] I hopped upon his shoulder and [00:02:13] I grabbed him by the ear [00:02:14] I held my little pistols up and I [00:02:16] Told him lookee here [00:02:17] You made me this way it's time [00:02:19] To pay you gol-darned queer [00:02:22] The professor said wait wait [00:02:27] Now you know me and I know you [00:02:30] And you know that strange experiments [00:02:32] Are just what I do [00:02:33] It's less like a passtime and more [00:02:35] Like a job [00:02:36] Why if I didn't do it I'd be an [00:02:38] Unemployed slob [00:02:40] Now I know that won't suffice and it won't [00:02:42] Set you at ease [00:02:43] But I'm thinking fast as I can for a man [00:02:45] Who's down on his knees [00:02:46] And just this passing moment I had a [00:02:48] Thought here's what I thunk [00:02:49] Where would you be today if you hadn't [00:02:51] Gotten shrunk [00:02:52] Just another nameless cowboy a [00:02:54] Mediocre bumpking [00:02:56] Riding in the sun skin burnt the color [00:02:58] Of a pumpking [00:02:59] Reviled by the ladies ridiculed by [00:03:01] Other men [00:03:02] Nothing to set you apart nor would [00:03:04] There ever have been [00:03:05] Then I came along yes me Professor Mently [00:03:08] I gave you a gift though you're [00:03:10] Ungrateful evidently [00:03:12] I plucked you from your average status [00:03:13] Made you unique [00:03:15] You're a seven inch cowboy not a [00:03:17] Six foot freak [00:03:18] From every corner of the globe folks [00:03:19] Will come to adore you [00:03:21] Nations will bow and throw their [00:03:23] Riches before you [00:03:24] You'll be diminitive in stature but [00:03:26] A titan inside [00:03:27] Because I your true friend chose [00:03:29] To stand by your side [00:03:30] Now I cogitated on the words Professor [00:03:33] Mentley shared [00:03:34] And I wondered if perhaps he only said