Intro (Explicit) - Bo Burnham This is Bo Burnham He's 22 years old He's a male and he looks like the genetic product Of a giraffe having sex with Ellen Degeneres He has a gigantic head and tiny nipples He's isolated himself over the last five years in the pursuit of comedy And in doing so has lost touch with reality You're an asshole Bo You hear me You think you know better than me You think you know better than everybody You will die alone and you will deserve it But in the meantime you might as well tell those silly jokes of yours See if that helps You used to do comedy when you felt like being funny But now you're contraction-ally obligated So dance you f**king monkey Dance monkey dance Welcome to the show This is Bo this is his show And Bo likes to dance like this Welcome to the show this is Bo This is his show and Bo takes off his pants like this Play an invisible drum Play an invisible trumpet trumpet sound Drink some invisible water Oh sh*t That water's real Bo wants to make you feel comfortable Bo wants to make you feel comfortable Bo wants to make you feel comfortable So sit back relax and enjoy a healthy dose of Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact Lick your lips to make it more comforting Do you want to see a magic trick Do you want to see a magic trick Do you want to see a magic trick Then pick a card any card-Psyche Magic isn't real you idiot read a book Magic isn't real you idiot read a book Magic isn't real you idiot read a book Magic isn't real or is it And at that moment Bo's 20 year old cynicism melted into childlike wonder He never knew there could be so much magic in the world It's a world of possibilities Bo What do you want to do first Run Yeah sure you can run Fly Well yeah you can fly What What are you what the f**k are you do What the f**k are you doing Stop st-stop it What the f-you f**king idiot stop stop stop Anyways In the distance Bo saw a beautiful fairy A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud About being called one in high school He then came across an old bridge with a troll standing guard Bo knew he'd have to answer a riddle to get by The troll spoke thus: Alright for the last time man I'm not a troll I'm homeless Ok do you have any spare change Ok that's a used napkin I don't want that No no stop just you know what leave just leave please leave ' And then as Bo arrived on the other side of the stage He saw a unicorn with five horns right in front of him And the pentacorn spoke thus: Hello Bo I've been looking for you for quite a long t-ugh ' He was safe for now But the dark thoughts would soon return It's Godzilla It's so hard to be a lizard It's hard to be a lizard Tiny arms itchy gizzard It's hard to be a lizard But it's harder to segue Is he skiing or is he in a gay porn Is he skiing what or is he in a gay porn Is he skiing huh or is he in a gay porn Here's a hint he's in a gay porn Ok Bo this miming sh*t is getting pretty annoying So give them the real thing My voice is so f**king natural It's naturally good Naturally good Naturally good This is the end of the song and the beginning of the show Welcome to the show That lizard part was pretty f**king stupid We're recording part of the CD tonight and yeah Good to start off with eight minutes of mime jokes for the CD I want to start off with a joke for the fellas I don't feel like I connect with my men In the audience as well as I do with my prepubescent girls So where my fellas at Fellas Yo fellas don't you hate it when you're sucking a guy's dick And he ends up being a faggot Am I right These f**king faggots with their tasty dicks Alright if you'd like to leave during 404

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