所属专辑:岳云鹏孙越爆笑相声合辑
歌手: 仗剑折花
时长: 33:13
本字幕由腾讯音乐天琴实验室独家AI字幕技术生成[00:00:00]
嗯[00:00:00]
谢谢[00:00:09]
谢谢朋友们的掌声[00:00:12]
非常的热烈[00:00:16]
我们心情十分的高兴[00:00:17]
刚才啊说了这么一段节目[00:00:20]
掌掌掌[00:00:22]
掌声热烈[00:00:23]
特别激动[00:00:26]
特别激动啊[00:00:27]
哎呀[00:00:29]
这是我第三次出台[00:00:30]
按说呢[00:00:31]
这都是我送的[00:00:34]
嗯[00:00:35]
第三次出现在舞台上[00:00:36]
依然是很高兴[00:00:38]
依然是很激动[00:00:40]
头一个说的是我自己的事儿[00:00:42]
第二个呢[00:00:43]
关于唱戏的这个节目[00:00:44]
对这场呢[00:00:46]
咱说点儿他的事儿[00:00:47]
A 老爷怎么说我的事儿[00:00:48]
我能有什么事儿啊[00:00:50]
有事儿[00:00:51]
孙越[00:00:52]
孙老师[00:00:52]
我还有事儿[00:00:53]
其实呢[00:00:53]
他是一个有钱人[00:00:54]
反正说错啦[00:00:55]
家大业大[00:00:56]
什么都有[00:00:58]
一辆汽车有车呀[00:00:59]
最值得一提的就是它的汽车[00:01:01]
车好呗[00:01:03]
七手的奥拓[00:01:04]
你等会儿你等会儿我听都新鲜了[00:01:11]
怎么啦[00:01:14]
我这区首部曲手[00:01:14]
我不管您实数吗[00:01:15]
实数您在比划我瞧瞧[00:01:17]
这是七啊[00:01:25]
嗯[00:01:28]
酒[00:01:29]
这是酒捏[00:01:30]
比划的九啊[00:01:32]
这是青州[00:01:33]
其实亲爱的啊[00:01:39]
双手还都有毛病了[00:01:42]
有一辆七手的奥拓[00:01:43]
你看这破车[00:01:45]
车牌照青a 的货[00:01:46]
清朝的牌子[00:01:52]
清朝的牌子对[00:01:55]
哎哟[00:01:57]
他清a [00:01:58]
嗯[00:01:59]
那清朝有汽车[00:02:00]
皇上八国联军撵着[00:02:01]
八国联军开的是明a 的[00:02:04]
哦[00:02:08]
名额知道a 吗[00:02:08]
隋朝嘛[00:02:11]
秦a [00:02:12]
秦朝女娲a [00:02:13]
盘古a [00:02:17]
什么都不懂[00:02:19]
知道芹蓖麻秦必蒙不了我[00:02:21]
嗯[00:02:25]
脑筋急转弯[00:02:25]
琴帝啊[00:02:27]
秦始皇书的钱币不对[00:02:28]
怎么秦始皇那会儿的出租车a [00:02:30]
老听着都新鲜了[00:02:37]
D ma a 知道群殴吗[00:02:39]
秦o 啊[00:02:43]
不知道秦始皇那会儿警车呀[00:02:44]
哎呀[00:02:47]
你就别胡说行吗[00:02:48]
什么都不懂[00:02:49]
反正胡编了[00:02:50]
快过年啦[00:02:52]
唉[00:02:53]
开着亲手的奥特[00:02:53]
去年的事儿准备走亲戚呢[00:02:55]
过年都得走亲戚啊[00:02:57]
我带着自己的媳妇儿喧然[00:02:58]
哦[00:03:00]
跟自己的父母呢[00:03:01]
说一下[00:03:03]
我媳妇儿叫轩然是吗[00:03:08]
对[00:03:11]
怎么起这么肉的名字[00:03:13]
你丈母娘起的[00:03:16]
哦[00:03:18]
我丈母娘娶的[00:03:18]
对你丈母娘叫什么呀[00:03:19]
有容[00:03:20]
我老丈杆子呢[00:03:28]
多半没听说什么叫波霸轩辕呐[00:03:30]
好好的啊[00:03:36]
他媳妇儿叫轩然[00:03:36]
带着自己的媳妇轩然跟自己的爹娘告别[00:03:38]
a [00:03:41]
我死去是怎么着啊[00:03:42]
什么叫死去[00:03:44]
什么叫告别[00:03:45]
说声再见干嘛呀[00:03:46]
走亲戚啊呢[00:03:48]
话别着没够啊[00:03:50]
跟自己爹娘说一声啊[00:03:51]
说[00:03:53]
打个招呼上石家庄找自己的后爹去[00:03:53]
嗯[00:03:56]
一切都安排妥当没[00:03:57]
没不妥当[00:03:59]
我跟我父母睾丸皮[00:04:01]
嗯[00:04:02]
我上石家庄[00:04:03]
嗯[00:04:05]
看我后爹[00:04:05]
对[00:04:07]
那我家里这个算什么呀[00:04:07]
哎呀[00:04:10]
我忘了说了[00:04:10]
咋这么乱呢[00:04:11]
是这样[00:04:12]
他的父亲跟她母亲呢[00:04:13]
结婚的时候玩了一个游戏叫捉迷藏啊[00:04:14]
这叫什么游戏啊[00:04:18]
这说没藏[00:04:19]
哎呀[00:04:20]
你父亲都藏起来了[00:04:21]
你母亲找了三天没找着就改嫁了[00:04:22]
a [00:04:25]
啊[00:04:26]
我妈就等三天你着了吧[00:04:26]
不然你这个父亲流落到石家庄家里[00:04:28]
北京这个是你亲妈和后爹[00:04:31]
石家庄是你亲爹和后妈[00:04:33]
老头儿还真乱啊[00:04:36]
哎呀[00:04:38]
跟自己的爹娘告别[00:04:39]
上石家庄找自己的后爹去开着亲手的奥拓[00:04:40]
哦[00:04:45]
很高兴啊[00:04:45]
他还高兴a 一路西去[00:04:46]
哼[00:04:49]
那不就死了吗[00:04:51]
我说死了吗[00:04:53]
怎么叫西区啊[00:04:54]
往西走[00:04:55]
往西行[00:04:56]
知道吗[00:04:57]
然后再往南[00:04:57]
A 队后R 角都的京石高速啊[00:04:59]
对对对[00:05:01]
石家庄快上高速了[00:05:02]
嗯[00:05:03]
得取票[00:05:04]
知道吗[00:05:06]
哎呀[00:05:07]
我这个词汇用的糗票啊[00:05:07]
我是P 线的呀[00:05:10]
哎[00:05:11]
这都你们都先竟遭东西了[00:05:12]
我看得取票啊取票购票啊[00:05:15]
知道吗[00:05:18]
他要取票[00:05:19]
他媳妇儿说了[00:05:20]
我媳妇儿老公啊老公老公啊给我打个电话打个电话打个电话[00:05:21]
我媳妇怎么浪漫劲儿的[00:05:29]
喂嗯[00:05:31]
哎吗[00:05:32]
为什么[00:05:33]
我要走了[00:05:35]
我们俩真的回不来了[00:05:37]
我要走了[00:05:38]
我要去石家庄看我后街去[00:05:38]
哎[00:05:41]
你别说什么[00:05:41]
你要跟我说一个秘密[00:05:43]
什么秘密[00:05:45]
什么秘密[00:05:45]
你结婚的时候玩了一个捉迷藏[00:05:47]
哎[00:05:49]
行了[00:05:49]
没有啊[00:05:50]
这个我不听了啊[00:05:51]
我我不愿意听啊[00:05:53]
他扯完了票要走[00:05:54]
嗯[00:05:56]
他媳妇说等会儿吗[00:05:57]
还是等我走吧[00:05:58]
妈[00:05:59]
我走了啊[00:05:59]
干嘛[00:06:01]
等会儿啊[00:06:01]
走了开着聊客车催呢[00:06:02]
对等会儿吗[00:06:04]
我再跟你说两句[00:06:06]
你开着车聊干什么呀[00:06:07]
你不知道吗[00:06:10]
嗯[00:06:11]
过了收费站算长途[00:06:11]
你不知道吗[00:06:12]
嗨[00:06:13]
过的太细了[00:06:15]
这也别废话[00:06:17]
哎呀[00:06:20]
走吧走吧[00:06:20]
A [00:06:21]
开车走了[00:06:22]
往京师上走啊[00:06:23]
开着开着坏了[00:06:25]
怎么了[00:06:26]
出了点儿事儿[00:06:26]
出什么事儿呢[00:06:28]
爆冷[00:06:30]
抱[00:06:33]
你要死啊[00:06:35]
我这儿有点儿含糊[00:06:37]
说包是什么包都不是[00:06:39]
跟我有什么关系[00:06:45]
这事儿太棒了[00:06:46]
爆胎了[00:06:48]
哎哟[00:06:50]
爆胎爆胎了[00:06:51]
Kan da [00:06:53]
爆胎了[00:06:54]
爆胎爆什么照啊[00:06:54]
哎[00:06:56]
宣传啊[00:06:56]
你去看看是不是报宣传[00:06:58]
别提这个行[00:07:01]
请老公我去[00:07:03]
嗯[00:07:05]
但是你是不得停车呀[00:07:06]
嗨[00:07:08]
两口子缺心眼[00:07:11]
停完了车宣传下去[00:07:14]
往左后一看[00:07:17]
哦[00:07:19]
这后边大哥[00:07:19]
嗯[00:07:20]
那怎么着怎么着[00:07:21]
真棒啦[00:07:22]
行啦[00:07:23]
哎呀[00:07:24]
这怎么办呢[00:07:26]
爆胎了[00:07:27]
开不了了怎么办啊[00:07:27]
他媳妇儿很聪明[00:07:29]
我媳妇儿聪明人[00:07:30]
他媳妇儿抱起轮胎[00:07:31]
他抬起油门[00:07:32]
走[00:07:33]
你等会儿[00:07:34]
你等会儿没有损不损啊[00:07:35]
你怎么啦[00:07:39]
那是汽车啊[00:07:41]
我媳妇是肉的[00:07:42]
知道吗[00:07:43]
啊[00:07:44]
我这彩铃木头[00:07:44]
我媳妇儿爆竹跟着跑啊[00:07:45]
你怕轮毂坏了啊[00:07:48]
哦[00:07:51]
把龙骨坏了啊[00:07:51]
我媳妇儿坏了怎么办[00:07:53]
他这趵突泉磨没了胳膊[00:07:54]
一会儿[00:07:56]
那怎么办[00:07:57]
你说怎么办啊[00:07:58]
没有这样的[00:08:00]
推着吧[00:08:01]
得推着走[00:08:01]
没有抱着轮胎[00:08:02]
A 把轮胎放那儿[00:08:03]
他媳妇儿上车谁推呢[00:08:04]
这两口子缺心眼儿[00:08:08]
你媳妇儿媳妇儿推着推吧[00:08:10]
嗯[00:08:12]
不好推[00:08:12]
推到下一个服务区[00:08:13]
哎哟[00:08:15]
到那儿一瞧啊[00:08:16]
买了一个气筒子[00:08:17]
你等会你等会[00:08:20]
你等会儿[00:08:21]
这不缺心眼儿吗[00:08:21]
这怎么了[00:08:22]
我这服务区有修车的[00:08:24]
嗯[00:08:25]
补个胎不就完了吗[00:08:26]
修车的放假啦[00:08:27]
快过年啦[00:08:29]
哎哟[00:08:30]
那寸劲儿啊[00:08:30]
买系统的管什么用啊[00:08:31]
打开呀[00:08:33]
你等会儿你等会儿你等会儿[00:08:37]
什么叫打胎[00:08:42]
胎爆了你不能打开吗[00:08:44]
那不能叫打胎[00:08:47]
你看它叫[00:08:48]
打胎打胎啊[00:08:51]
不什么都完了吗[00:08:58]
就是给胎打气啊[00:08:59]
对对对[00:09:01]
您说清楚了啊[00:09:01]
就就就打开挺好[00:09:02]
我不我顺嘴啊[00:09:03]
对了[00:09:05]
我不行[00:09:05]
知道吗[00:09:06]
那我就这么说[00:09:07]
你把我怎么着[00:09:08]
他不能把你怎么着就打胎气[00:09:11]
He [00:09:13]
打胎气[00:09:14]
哎呀[00:09:15]
打胎您行了[00:09:15]
您稳住了[00:09:17]
不好打啊[00:09:17]
朋友们[00:09:18]
这个胎爆了啊[00:09:19]
跟那个渣了是有区别的[00:09:21]
对[00:09:23]
报了窟窿眼儿大[00:09:23]
它炸开了啊[00:09:25]
不好打[00:09:26]
哎呀妈[00:09:27]
废话[00:09:28]
打得进去吗[00:09:29]
哎呀哎呀[00:09:29]
这还够费劲的哈[00:09:32]
打40 分钟啊[00:09:34]
开五分钟或打什么啊[00:09:36]
那个蒙打啊打打40 分钟[00:09:40]
赶紧上车走[00:09:43]
踩油门走走走了65 分钟[00:09:44]
全然[00:09:48]
是不是没气了[00:09:49]
还用问呢[00:09:51]
老公[00:09:52]
老公[00:09:53]
那我去看看吧[00:09:54]
好吧[00:09:55]
我媳妇有毛病[00:09:56]
好[00:09:57]
你看来看看来看看[00:09:57]
哎[00:10:00]
你等会儿[00:10:00]
你等会儿[00:10:01]
你等会儿这边儿开[00:10:02]
我干嘛让她看啊[00:10:03]
他又不下车[00:10:05]
我这么开着[00:10:06]
回头看一眼不就完了吗[00:10:06]
你非得趴在我身上干嘛呀[00:10:08]
你看不见那废话[00:10:10]
他挡着我是看不见[00:10:11]
你看不见肥肉[00:10:12]
回头看看就完了[00:10:14]
他媳妇一瞧[00:10:16]
大哥真没戏了[00:10:17]
哎[00:10:19]
这逗闷子呢[00:10:19]
俩人接着打吧[00:10:21]
哎哟[00:10:23]
达50 分钟能开四分钟都减半了[00:10:26]
越来越大[00:10:30]
那样的废话越打越大可好家伙[00:10:31]
简短截说[00:10:34]
第二天晚上到了保定[00:10:36]
第二天晚上啊[00:10:40]
哎呀[00:10:41]
到了保定了[00:10:42]
哎呀[00:10:43]
这打得他媳妇都不行了[00:10:44]
你要老这么打他是受不了[00:10:48]
嗯[00:10:50]
一直处于打开的状态[00:10:51]
他媳妇还真好身体[00:10:56]
嗯[00:10:57]
他媳妇儿步行了[00:10:58]
是步行了[00:10:59]
哎呀[00:11:00]
还有后劲[00:11:06]
累得快死了[00:11:08]
哎呀[00:11:09]
喊他去了[00:11:09]
嗯[00:11:10]
老公[00:11:11]
老公[00:11:13]
你去躺会儿吧[00:11:15]
我都快死了[00:11:18]
对对对[00:11:18]
都黑了[00:11:19]
都大的[00:11:20]
你看看灯都黑了[00:11:20]
行[00:11:22]
我去打会好吃吧[00:11:23]
嗯[00:11:24]
你坐坐着[00:11:24]
嗯[00:11:25]
那什么[00:11:25]
气管子在哪儿呢[00:11:27]
啊[00:11:28]
气筒子呢[00:11:28]
就在后边呢[00:11:29]
后边后边哪啊咋就那个红棍就是哦红棍[00:11:30]
对[00:11:36]
怎么红棍儿都打红了[00:11:37]
难为我媳妇儿[00:11:43]
我告诉你[00:11:44]
哎呀[00:11:45]
快死了[00:11:48]
那废话都烫手了[00:11:48]
到了保定服务区了[00:11:50]
他很聪明[00:11:53]
有什么聪明想出一个好主意[00:11:54]
什么主意啊[00:11:56]
叫快递[00:11:57]
哦对[00:11:58]
我这是聪明了[00:12:01]
嗯[00:12:02]
这不马后炮吗[00:12:02]
之前我干什么来着呢[00:12:05]
我哪知道啊[00:12:07]
唉[00:12:08]
这有理呢[00:12:08]
叫快递啊[00:12:10]
别说[00:12:12]
快递还挺快[00:12:12]
废话[00:12:13]
快递五分钟就来了[00:12:14]
五分钟就来了哈[00:12:18]
我可能高速过了一夜了[00:12:20]
知道吗[00:12:21]
说这送了一个轮胎[00:12:22]
清[00:12:26]
这送快递也够贫的啊[00:12:30]
这只贪是您的吗[00:12:33]
他这胎[00:12:34]
哎呀啊[00:12:35]
亲[00:12:36]
是我的亲[00:12:39]
谢谢[00:12:42]
我来给您换上吧[00:12:42]
亲一下得了[00:12:43]
好吧[00:12:47]
好的[00:12:49]
亲[00:12:49]
好的[00:12:50]
不说亲[00:12:50]
不会说话的[00:12:51]
三分钟换好了[00:12:52]
哎[00:12:53]
对对[00:12:53]
我走一宿[00:12:54]
我这换好了胎[00:12:55]
快递问他了[00:12:57]
问什么呀[00:12:58]
亲[00:12:59]
嗯[00:12:59]
我能问你一个问题吗[00:12:59]
能问吗[00:13:01]
您这个车有备胎吗[00:13:01]
废什么话呀[00:13:04]
当然有了[00:13:05]
啊[00:13:07]
算我没说啊[00:13:15]
这不缺心眼儿骂[00:13:17]
亲[00:13:21]
请您交钱吧[00:13:22]
这个太浅[00:13:24]
嗯嗯[00:13:25]
一千六怎么这么贵呀[00:13:27]
一说一千六[00:13:29]
他媳妇快疯了[00:13:30]
我媳妇儿听不到这个什么什么什么什么[00:13:31]
嘴封了一千六啊[00:13:35]
我打胎用的了一千六吗[00:13:38]
我打胎打了一天一宿了[00:13:41]
给我好好说话行不行[00:13:44]
胎气都快打没了[00:13:46]
打破胎啊[00:13:49]
你收我一千六[00:13:50]
哎呀[00:13:52]
你疯了吗[00:13:52]
你没有你媳妇[00:13:53]
哎[00:13:57]
死这样[00:13:57]
我告诉你啊[00:13:58]
这位女亲[00:14:03]
你要亲我[00:14:10]
今儿我抽你我告诉你[00:14:11]
这位女亲啊[00:14:13]
我是一个快递哦[00:14:14]
我也不容易啊[00:14:16]
上面明码标价一千六[00:14:17]
请您付钱的[00:14:20]
亲够吧[00:14:20]
没有[00:14:23]
您别这样行吗[00:14:25]
这样不是办法呀[00:14:27]
对呀[00:14:28]
最后他媳妇说了[00:14:29]
嗯[00:14:30]
我出一个主意[00:14:30]
我给你钱行啊[00:14:31]
但是你得有设备[00:14:32]
我能刷卡吗[00:14:34]
H 高了[00:14:36]
高速上朋友们哪能穿卡[00:14:38]
是不是没现金[00:14:40]
亲啊[00:14:41]
可以哦啊[00:14:42]
或者有POS机啊[00:14:45]
随身带着呢[00:14:46]
哎[00:14:51]
没办法[00:14:51]
朋友不打算给钱[00:14:52]
那得给人刷[00:14:53]
得给人刷钱吗[00:14:54]
A 1600嗯人家这个快递呢[00:14:55]
骑自行车要走[00:14:58]
骑自行车要走[00:14:59]
哎呀哈[00:15:00]
媳妇儿[00:15:03]
比火车快[00:15:03]
我告诉你后[00:15:04]
两口子越想越生气[00:15:05]
越想越难受啊[00:15:07]
管不着人家[00:15:08]
哎呀[00:15:09]
不行[00:15:10]
老公怎么撞死他[00:15:11]
这[00:15:13]
这不教坏吗[00:15:16]
撞死他这话气我怎么行呢[00:15:17]
啊[00:15:21]
引起了我宣言[00:15:22]
知道吗[00:15:24]
哎[00:15:24]
对[00:15:25]
快出事儿了[00:15:26]
撞死他[00:15:27]
哎呀[00:15:28]
哼[00:15:29]
媳妇儿[00:15:29]
你说的更别就应该撞死他[00:15:29]
没有这么说[00:15:31]
我撞死你[00:15:32]
撞死你[00:15:33]
哎呀[00:15:34]
朋友们心里是这么想[00:15:34]
哎[00:15:36]
不能这么办[00:15:36]
真撞上了[00:15:37]
把人撞了[00:15:40]
当撞上了[00:15:41]
哎哟[00:15:42]
快递车那儿保持着骑车的姿势[00:15:43]
就那车没了[00:15:48]
车没了[00:15:50]
快递这回好[00:15:50]
就剩了[00:15:57]
嗯[00:15:58]
定在那儿了[00:15:59]
在那儿[00:16:00]
傻啦[00:16:01]
废话[00:16:02]
撞着了[00:16:02]
分钟以后啪叽躺那儿了[00:16:03]
正好死缓[00:16:05]
晕菜了[00:16:06]
晕菜啊e 晕他媳妇说呀[00:16:07]
老公啊[00:16:12]
这个亲怎么办呢[00:16:12]
别学人家啦[00:16:14]
这个亲怎么办[00:16:16]
你们撞了你说怎么办[00:16:17]
正说着呢[00:16:18]
打那边过来一辆警车[00:16:19]
来警察了[00:16:21]
怎么这么困呢[00:16:22]
多么的棘手[00:16:23]
朋友们怎么办[00:16:24]
这条你怎么拍的[00:16:26]
他很聪明[00:16:27]
我聪明[00:16:28]
把快递顺道自己的车底下[00:16:28]
上半身在车底下[00:16:32]
嗯[00:16:34]
腿上[00:16:34]
外头[00:16:34]
那管什么用啊[00:16:35]
刚弄好[00:16:36]
警车过来了[00:16:37]
下来这个警察从这这怎么回事儿[00:16:38]
怎么回事儿[00:16:41]
修车呢[00:16:42]
高了[00:16:45]
这招修车呢[00:16:45]
嗯[00:16:47]
修车怎么趴那儿呢[00:16:48]
角初夏[00:16:57]
啊哈哈[00:17:01]
那个什么他媳妇儿过来了[00:17:03]
从这从这[00:17:05]
他看看漏不漏油[00:17:06]
漏油漏油往地上干什么呀[00:17:07]
没事儿[00:17:10]
没事儿等您[00:17:10]
等您呢[00:17:11]
哎呀[00:17:11]
好好[00:17:12]
那修车就没事儿[00:17:13]
呃[00:17:14]
这个同学好糊弄啊[00:17:15]
我问问您从这儿到石家庄需要多长时间呢[00:17:16]
比如说问道[00:17:20]
啊[00:17:21]
那得看什么车[00:17:23]
这话对[00:17:27]
像您这个可能40 分钟就到了[00:17:27]
哎[00:17:30]
我这个可能还得几天度蜜月来了[00:17:30]
说不好说不好[00:17:35]
没有啊[00:17:36]
好[00:17:37]
谢谢同志[00:17:37]
再见[00:17:38]
警察走了[00:17:39]
我还正好糊弄他媳妇儿[00:17:40]
把这块地钻出来扔掉了[00:17:42]
我都不管人家啦[00:17:45]
我媳妇儿的万恶的开车往前走[00:17:47]
哎[00:17:49]
很高兴啦[00:17:50]
这还高兴啊[00:17:51]
不用打胎了[00:17:52]
这倒是不用受那个罪了[00:17:54]
哎呀[00:17:55]
他媳妇说了[00:17:56]
嗯[00:17:56]
老公[00:17:57]
老公[00:17:58]
老公老公[00:17:58]
听会音乐吧[00:18:00]
老公[00:18:01]
哦[00:18:02]
还[00:18:02]
还够I 好[00:18:02]
你想听什么歌呢[00:18:03]
嗯嗯[00:18:04]
因为爱情吧[00:18:06]
嗯[00:18:07]
好的[00:18:08]
老公[00:18:08]
因为爱情不会轻易悲伤[00:18:09]
所以一切都是幸福的爱情[00:18:15]
等会儿[00:18:24]
简单的长征[00:18:25]
听音乐不是车上放的那个[00:18:27]
对呀[00:18:32]
因为我觉着自己唱啊对呀[00:18:34]
清朝的车哪有音乐啊[00:18:38]
哎呀[00:18:43]
我媳妇还是爱劳动[00:18:44]
自己主动问他[00:18:45]
还得摁在那桃花盛开的地方[00:18:46]
好在那桃花盛开的地方还真多[00:18:49]
老公老公老公老公[00:19:01]
咱俩一会儿我还有老公一句[00:19:03]
我媳妇儿说的[00:19:07]
这句是我说的[00:19:09]
老公[00:19:11]
嗯[00:19:12]
你说是阿童木快呢还是超人快呢[00:19:12]
就是开车[00:19:18]
没准闲聊我觉得吧[00:19:18]
嗯[00:19:21]
超人快[00:19:22]
为什么[00:19:23]
因为超人裤衩在外头是吗[00:19:24]
没有这个话[00:19:27]
超人快[00:19:27]
老公[00:19:28]
我觉得阿童木快[00:19:29]
为什么[00:19:30]
因为阿童木是一个胳膊一个胳膊啊一个胳膊哦[00:19:30]
丰足小嗯er [00:19:36]
超人呢[00:19:37]
俩胳膊哦[00:19:38]
主力是吗[00:19:40]
嗯[00:19:41]
阿东木块[00:19:42]
超人超人[00:19:44]
阿童木快点儿[00:19:46]
奔放的超人快[00:19:47]
阿童木[00:19:50]
快啊啊啊[00:19:50]
怎么了[00:19:58]
撞树上了[00:20:00]
也是我双手嘎巴了吗[00:20:02]
我30 0 A撞树上了啊[00:20:04]
好家伙呢[00:20:09]
棒[00:20:11]
掉沟里了[00:20:13]
数还剩[00:20:14]
接着把它塞沟里了啊[00:20:15]
掉沟里了半天[00:20:17]
他媳妇才醒来[00:20:19]
哎呀[00:20:20]
诶[00:20:22]
保持这姿势呢[00:20:23]
老公[00:20:25]
哎呀老公[00:20:26]
你活着吗[00:20:27]
还有这心思[00:20:29]
我活着呢[00:20:30]
活着呢[00:20:32]
一点儿都不冤呢[00:20:32]
俩人[00:20:33]
老公[00:20:36]
我说儿童木块吧[00:20:37]
我在你头对你在我头上飞出去的是吧[00:20:40]
俩人飞出去了[00:20:46]
哎呀[00:20:47]
行了行了[00:20:48]
从哪儿飞出去的呢[00:20:48]
挡风玻璃那儿[00:20:50]
从前边儿撞出去了啊[00:20:51]
哎呀[00:20:53]
这么快[00:20:53]
哎呀[00:20:56]
两口子站起来[00:20:56]
粘锅哩[00:20:58]
哎呀[00:21:01]
人还挺稳重[00:21:03]
你看还互相改呢[00:21:04]
相亲相爱吗[00:21:08]
哎[00:21:09]
没有[00:21:09]
你不比划[00:21:10]
这不好[00:21:11]
你们再看这两口子血滋滋滋摘了半天[00:21:12]
总算没事了[00:21:18]
把车抬到高速上[00:21:19]
我这车俩人还在高速上呢[00:21:23]
难怪亲手的奥拓[00:21:26]
对对[00:21:28]
别整掉们朋友们[00:21:29]
挡风玻璃可是没了[00:21:31]
废话[00:21:32]
什么都没了[00:21:33]
前面[00:21:33]
哎呀[00:21:34]
这怎么办呢怎么办[00:21:35]
他想出了一个好主意[00:21:36]
我聪明[00:21:38]
愣开[00:21:39]
这叫什么主意[00:21:42]
这叫愣开愣开[00:21:43]
开了没有十分钟[00:21:46]
嗯[00:21:48]
宣传说了[00:21:48]
我媳妇儿老公[00:21:50]
老公啊老公[00:21:50]
那什么是因为我们有护心毛的原因吗[00:21:52]
什么意思[00:21:57]
我冷[00:21:58]
啊[00:22:03]
谁那样都冷[00:22:05]
知道吗[00:22:07]
你废什么话呀[00:22:08]
哎呀[00:22:09]
我有金毛我也冷[00:22:11]
谁问你有没有大冬天没有挡风玻璃[00:22:13]
你受得了吗[00:22:18]
这不是你让开的吗[00:22:19]
这个老公[00:22:20]
我可能得死在高速上[00:22:23]
我冲你拉通[00:22:26]
我得死高速上[00:22:27]
老公[00:22:29]
那什么[00:22:29]
嗯[00:22:30]
等我死了怎么着[00:22:31]
你在临床上[00:22:33]
给我放一首歌行吗[00:22:35]
哦[00:22:37]
还有这个女主来放一首歌啊[00:22:37]
什么医院什么歌什么歌[00:22:40]
何日君再来[00:22:43]
这不招我去呢吗[00:22:46]
疯了[00:22:49]
何日君再来[00:22:50]
我可能也得死这儿[00:22:51]
哎[00:22:52]
我怎么了我啊[00:22:52]
我要是死了[00:22:53]
你在平台上给我放一首歌吧[00:22:55]
啊[00:22:56]
我要什么歌[00:22:56]
嗯[00:22:57]
把悲伤留给自己[00:22:58]
咱多高尚[00:23:00]
对我老公[00:23:01]
老公[00:23:03]
你太缺德了[00:23:03]
怎么了[00:23:05]
你听歌词啊[00:23:05]
什么歌词[00:23:07]
能不能让我陪着你走[00:23:08]
还是让我跟你走啊[00:23:16]
我这还是爱你[00:23:18]
老公[00:23:19]
你太缺德了[00:23:19]
不过老公[00:23:20]
我一再I 走走[00:23:21]
您这套又出去了[00:23:24]
知道吗[00:23:25]
俩人都快成冰棍了[00:23:26]
还调情呢[00:23:28]
这是调情吗[00:23:30]
这[00:23:31]
哎呀[00:23:31]
越开越冷[00:23:32]
越开越冷[00:23:33]
挡风玻璃没有啊[00:23:34]
对啊[00:23:35]
这怎么办怎么办[00:23:35]
他想[00:23:36]
主意主意[00:23:37]
什么主意[00:23:37]
咱们后边不是有快递的那个箱子嘛[00:23:38]
送轮胎[00:23:41]
轮胎那箱子咱给挡这儿不就完了吗[00:23:41]
老公[00:23:46]
我太爱你了[00:23:47]
别爱我[00:23:48]
你别爱我了[00:23:48]
可以呀[00:23:50]
那箱子挡着什么都看不见了[00:23:51]
说的是那还美呢[00:23:54]
黑都弄好了[00:23:55]
把箱子都弄好[00:23:57]
往那一贴[00:23:58]
待不住啊[00:23:59]
废话[00:24:00]
怎么办[00:24:01]
他站在车上[00:24:02]
头尿了泡尿[00:24:02]
没有三分钟冻上了好了[00:24:05]
哎[00:24:08]
这也是娇惯[00:24:09]
吹不下去了[00:24:10]
对那尿动力管什么用啊a [00:24:11]
可是朋友们看不见路啊[00:24:13]
废话你才知道啊[00:24:15]
怎么办[00:24:16]
她凭记忆开车啊[00:24:18]
哦[00:24:24]
我原来认识的[00:24:24]
倒不是那什么叫凭记忆[00:24:25]
把脑袋探出去看一眼[00:24:28]
能开三秒钟[00:24:30]
哎呀[00:24:36]
开三秒钟a 好[00:24:36]
哎[00:24:39]
这别使劲儿了[00:24:40]
哎呀[00:24:43]
朋友们[00:24:44]
嗯[00:24:44]
就这样[00:24:45]
堵车了[00:24:46]
得亏是堵车了[00:24:49]
堵车了走下去我就死路上[00:24:50]
哎呀[00:24:53]
这怎么这些车呢[00:24:53]
怎么还堵车了呢[00:24:54]
下车一打听[00:24:56]
原来呀[00:24:57]
呃[00:24:58]
一辆拉猪的车翻了[00:24:58]
哎哟[00:25:01]
出事了[00:25:02]
哎呀[00:25:02]
满高度的猪啊[00:25:03]
朋友们[00:25:04]
好多热闹全都是猪啊[00:25:05]
哎呀[00:25:08]
好多个警察在高速上跟他捋[00:25:08]
警察都乐了[00:25:12]
他太高兴了[00:25:13]
我[00:25:14]
我高兴什么呀[00:25:14]
哎呀[00:25:16]
我怎么[00:25:19]
我怎么了[00:25:19]
我亲人呢[00:25:20]
没听说过[00:25:23]
悬崖[00:25:25]
你等着干嘛[00:25:26]
我一会给你一个惊喜[00:25:27]
什么惊喜[00:25:28]
他下车去逮猪去了[00:25:29]
一个猪自己拿走[00:25:33]
A 飞了一只猪[00:25:34]
我怀着兴奋过来[00:25:35]
车门拉开[00:25:37]
放在驾驶员那里[00:25:39]
把朱塞在那儿了[00:25:42]
朱俩前爪搭在方向盘上在看[00:25:43]
轩然啊[00:25:48]
眼神儿也不老好使的[00:25:48]
怎么呢[00:25:50]
老公[00:25:51]
你回来了[00:25:51]
老公[00:25:51]
您调清楚了行吗[00:25:54]
老公[00:25:56]
你回来怎么不说一声呢[00:25:57]
老公[00:25:58]
怎么也不说话了呢[00:25:59]
没有[00:26:01]
老公[00:26:01]
你听歌吗[00:26:01]
老公[00:26:02]
我听着啊[00:26:02]
因为爱情[00:26:03]
别人家老公臭缺德多冷啊[00:26:04]
怎么把衣服脱了[00:26:07]
老公[00:26:08]
行啦[00:26:08]
你这什么眼神啊[00:26:11]
这是怎么被删也没有了[00:26:13]
老公[00:26:14]
摸一摸[00:26:15]
毛啦[00:26:16]
动啦[00:26:17]
那是我们那个冻死你臭咖啡的穿上衣服啊[00:26:20]
老公[00:26:23]
哎呀[00:26:24]
老公[00:26:24]
你穿上衣服啊老公[00:26:25]
就把衣服脱了呢[00:26:26]
老公[00:26:27]
有这个娘们儿[00:26:34]
我活着不死的[00:26:35]
路上这把衣服穿了穿[00:26:36]
你还哼哼什么呀[00:26:40]
啊啊[00:26:41]
瞧清楚了[00:26:45]
我都问你半天[00:26:47]
一句话也不跟人家说呀[00:26:48]
这话说得了她老公[00:26:49]
行了[00:26:51]
别叫老公了[00:26:52]
再看他啊[00:26:53]
又带一只猪[00:26:54]
我还真能待待吧[00:26:56]
嗯[00:26:58]
正带着讷警察过来了[00:26:58]
嗯[00:26:59]
一把给他摁住了[00:27:00]
嗯[00:27:01]
野猪也行[00:27:01]
哎[00:27:02]
没听说过你们家猪穿着衣裳呢[00:27:08]
别废话[00:27:11]
我是人[00:27:13]
哎呀[00:27:13]
我是人[00:27:14]
对警察说了[00:27:15]
怎么证明你是人呢[00:27:16]
这不混蛋嘛[00:27:19]
我都说话了[00:27:20]
还怎么证明啊[00:27:21]
我会说话啊[00:27:23]
八戒吧[00:27:26]
没听说过会不会聊天啊[00:27:28]
怎么证明你是人啊[00:27:31]
跟我来干嘛[00:27:33]
跟我来我还得证明一下[00:27:34]
a [00:27:35]
上车呢[00:27:36]
嗯[00:27:36]
刚要开门看她媳妇[00:27:37]
老公[00:27:38]
你说话呀[00:27:38]
老公这个娘们儿[00:27:39]
什么把衣服脱了[00:27:42]
老公这么冷啊[00:27:43]
这不是我开门[00:27:44]
警察[00:27:47]
嗯[00:27:48]
扫描扫描[00:27:49]
怎么[00:27:50]
警察[00:27:51]
过来瞧瞧[00:27:51]
怎么回事啊[00:27:52]
怎么[00:27:54]
这怎么回事儿啊[00:27:54]
这是我儿子呀[00:27:56]
你玩儿去呢[00:27:57]
不还是猪吗[00:27:58]
那个他很生气[00:27:59]
废话[00:28:01]
能不生气吗[00:28:01]
虽然我在这儿呢[00:28:02]
哎[00:28:06]
小娘们这个眼神啊[00:28:06]
老公是你吗[00:28:08]
你是谁[00:28:11]
幸亏没有跟你睡觉[00:28:13]
讨厌[00:28:15]
哎呀这娘们儿[00:28:17]
他把猪放到后边[00:28:20]
哎呀[00:28:22]
开车要走[00:28:23]
警察就把我们放过了[00:28:25]
放过拿我们当一家三口啦[00:28:26]
哈哈[00:28:28]
很开心呐[00:28:29]
还开心呢[00:28:30]
我嗨呀[00:28:31]
你甭high 了[00:28:32]
我high 这会儿呢[00:28:33]
也通了哦[00:28:35]
路通了[00:28:36]
高速也通了[00:28:37]
AA 拉猪的车也走了[00:28:38]
哎哟[00:28:40]
朋友们怎么坏了[00:28:41]
王了一只猪[00:28:43]
不在我车上了吗[00:28:46]
角逐[00:28:47]
瘸子王了[00:28:49]
一只瘸着腿瘸了[00:28:50]
嗯[00:28:51]
哎哟[00:28:52]
左后没有了[00:28:53]
哦[00:28:55]
这是我那车子不是就是猪啊[00:28:55]
猪[00:29:01]
对[00:29:01]
左后全三条腿的猪[00:29:01]
好家伙[00:29:04]
左后没了[00:29:04]
警察都没招够笨的[00:29:05]
而且呢[00:29:07]
右前不怎么好使[00:29:09]
这猪跑的挺快啊[00:29:14]
这猪啊[00:29:23]
你看猪就两根棍好看吧[00:29:25]
就这样[00:29:29]
我给你学学啊[00:29:30]
你别学了[00:29:31]
这个没有[00:29:32]
这个也不能使[00:29:33]
还不如猪好看呢[00:29:37]
跑的挺快[00:29:38]
哎呀[00:29:39]
他一瞧高兴了是吗[00:29:40]
宣然看见没有[00:29:41]
怎么样[00:29:42]
缺猪逃出来[00:29:43]
老公老公[00:29:45]
嗯[00:29:45]
带他带带他[00:29:46]
嗯[00:29:47]
带他以后啊呃[00:29:48]
送礼送它送礼[00:29:50]
四条腿儿啊[00:29:51]
给你亲爹后妈一个[00:29:53]
后妈亲爹一个[00:29:55]
怎么样[00:29:55]
都是四条腿[00:29:56]
就三条腿儿[00:29:58]
哎[00:29:59]
那你说怎么办[00:29:59]
那也得追呀[00:30:01]
噢[00:30:02]
你看油门啊[00:30:03]
这个猪啊[00:30:05]
哎呀[00:30:09]
多热闹[00:30:10]
朋友们啊[00:30:11]
追了仨钟头没追上我的车还不如一只猪呢[00:30:12]
关键是你得凭记忆开车啊[00:30:19]
哎[00:30:23]
对对对对对[00:30:23]
减肥了[00:30:26]
这株拐弯儿我还撞下来[00:30:27]
那可不嘛[00:30:29]
哎呀[00:30:30]
简短截说[00:30:31]
嗯[00:30:32]
第三天下午[00:30:33]
哇好[00:30:35]
总算是到了石家庄[00:30:37]
它不易啊[00:30:39]
到石家庄得那个胶条胶条胶条[00:30:40]
娇娇过去[00:30:44]
售票员拿着笤[00:30:45]
这位同志啊[00:30:56]
我能冒昧的问一句吗[00:30:58]
您甭客气了[00:31:01]
你说吧[00:31:02]
哎[00:31:03]
你说说没关系[00:31:04]
您是从北京来的对吧[00:31:08]
对啊对啊对啊对啊[00:31:11]
要到石家庄对不对啊[00:31:13]
从北京到石家庄两个小时的车程[00:31:17]
您怎么走了三天半呢[00:31:22]
他哪知道我路上多忙啊[00:31:25]
您在高速上都干什么辣啊[00:31:28]
哎呀[00:31:31]
这会儿他媳妇说了[00:31:32]
老公老公你走开[00:31:33]
我跟他说啊[00:31:34]
你跟我们在高速上[00:31:35]
我们[00:31:38]
嗯[00:31:39]
打胎好好说行吗[00:31:39]
嗯[00:31:42]
打胎气啊[00:31:43]
这叫快递[00:31:44]
嗯[00:31:47]
对[00:31:47]
快递[00:31:47]
这就别说了[00:31:49]
嗯[00:31:50]
唱歌[00:31:51]
哎对对对[00:31:51]
逮猪逮缺株[00:31:52]
点图木耳啊[00:31:56]
喝[00:31:58]
没羞没躁这个地儿啊[00:31:59]
修挡风玻璃等等等等[00:32:03]
可开心可开心啦[00:32:07]
哎呀[00:32:10]
好吧[00:32:13]
算我多嘴啊[00:32:13]
能听明白[00:32:15]
我都那个[00:32:15]
我告诉你[00:32:16]
交钱走人[00:32:16]
哎呀[00:32:17]
交完了钱走人吧[00:32:18]
哎呀[00:32:20]
总算是到石家庄了[00:32:20]
这可到了[00:32:22]
太开心了[00:32:23]
是啊[00:32:24]
猛踩油门[00:32:24]
走吧[00:32:25]
找你[00:32:26]
嗯嗯[00:32:27]
朋友们啊[00:32:29]
这车是越开越快[00:32:30]
越开越快[00:32:32]
哎哟[00:32:33]
都不凭记忆开车拉货[00:32:33]
猛往前蹿[00:32:35]
愣开[00:32:36]
哎呀[00:32:37]
越开越快越快[00:32:37]
坏了[00:32:38]
怎么了[00:32:39]
当队进了一个农家院[00:32:39]
开进去了啊[00:32:43]
媳妇蹭[00:32:45]
从挡风这个纸壳儿呢就出去了啊[00:32:46]
这真不好说[00:32:48]
从挡风只哥们儿砰就出去了[00:32:51]
挡风只隔尿那出去整落在一个猪圈里啊[00:32:54]
他媳妇半天才爬起来是吗[00:32:58]
爬起来以后揪住一个猪的脖领子[00:33:00]
啪啪大梯子就过去了[00:33:02]
干嘛呀[00:33:04]
孙子又把衣服脱了[00:33:04]