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《《车在囧途》岳云鹏 孙越》歌词


歌曲: 《车在囧途》岳云鹏 孙越

所属专辑:岳云鹏孙越爆笑相声合辑

歌手: 仗剑折花

时长: 33:13

播放 下载lrc歌词 下载纯文本歌词

《车在囧途》岳云鹏 孙越

本字幕由腾讯音乐天琴实验室独家AI字幕技术生成[00:00:00]

[00:00:00]

谢谢[00:00:09]

谢谢朋友们的掌声[00:00:12]

非常的热烈[00:00:16]

我们心情十分的高兴[00:00:17]

刚才啊说了这么一段节目[00:00:20]

掌掌掌[00:00:22]

掌声热烈[00:00:23]

特别激动[00:00:26]

特别激动啊[00:00:27]

哎呀[00:00:29]

这是我第三次出台[00:00:30]

按说呢[00:00:31]

这都是我送的[00:00:34]

[00:00:35]

第三次出现在舞台上[00:00:36]

依然是很高兴[00:00:38]

依然是很激动[00:00:40]

头一个说的是我自己的事儿[00:00:42]

第二个呢[00:00:43]

关于唱戏的这个节目[00:00:44]

对这场呢[00:00:46]

咱说点儿他的事儿[00:00:47]

A 老爷怎么说我的事儿[00:00:48]

我能有什么事儿啊[00:00:50]

有事儿[00:00:51]

孙越[00:00:52]

孙老师[00:00:52]

我还有事儿[00:00:53]

其实呢[00:00:53]

他是一个有钱人[00:00:54]

反正说错啦[00:00:55]

家大业大[00:00:56]

什么都有[00:00:58]

一辆汽车有车呀[00:00:59]

最值得一提的就是它的汽车[00:01:01]

车好呗[00:01:03]

七手的奥拓[00:01:04]

你等会儿你等会儿我听都新鲜了[00:01:11]

怎么啦[00:01:14]

我这区首部曲手[00:01:14]

我不管您实数吗[00:01:15]

实数您在比划我瞧瞧[00:01:17]

这是七啊[00:01:25]

[00:01:28]

[00:01:29]

这是酒捏[00:01:30]

比划的九啊[00:01:32]

这是青州[00:01:33]

其实亲爱的啊[00:01:39]

双手还都有毛病了[00:01:42]

有一辆七手的奥拓[00:01:43]

你看这破车[00:01:45]

车牌照青a 的货[00:01:46]

清朝的牌子[00:01:52]

清朝的牌子对[00:01:55]

哎哟[00:01:57]

他清a [00:01:58]

[00:01:59]

那清朝有汽车[00:02:00]

皇上八国联军撵着[00:02:01]

八国联军开的是明a 的[00:02:04]

[00:02:08]

名额知道a 吗[00:02:08]

隋朝嘛[00:02:11]

秦a [00:02:12]

秦朝女娲a [00:02:13]

盘古a [00:02:17]

什么都不懂[00:02:19]

知道芹蓖麻秦必蒙不了我[00:02:21]

[00:02:25]

脑筋急转弯[00:02:25]

琴帝啊[00:02:27]

秦始皇书的钱币不对[00:02:28]

怎么秦始皇那会儿的出租车a [00:02:30]

老听着都新鲜了[00:02:37]

D ma a 知道群殴吗[00:02:39]

秦o 啊[00:02:43]

不知道秦始皇那会儿警车呀[00:02:44]

哎呀[00:02:47]

你就别胡说行吗[00:02:48]

什么都不懂[00:02:49]

反正胡编了[00:02:50]

快过年啦[00:02:52]

[00:02:53]

开着亲手的奥特[00:02:53]

去年的事儿准备走亲戚呢[00:02:55]

过年都得走亲戚啊[00:02:57]

我带着自己的媳妇儿喧然[00:02:58]

[00:03:00]

跟自己的父母呢[00:03:01]

说一下[00:03:03]

我媳妇儿叫轩然是吗[00:03:08]

[00:03:11]

怎么起这么肉的名字[00:03:13]

你丈母娘起的[00:03:16]

[00:03:18]

我丈母娘娶的[00:03:18]

对你丈母娘叫什么呀[00:03:19]

有容[00:03:20]

我老丈杆子呢[00:03:28]

多半没听说什么叫波霸轩辕呐[00:03:30]

好好的啊[00:03:36]

他媳妇儿叫轩然[00:03:36]

带着自己的媳妇轩然跟自己的爹娘告别[00:03:38]

a [00:03:41]

我死去是怎么着啊[00:03:42]

什么叫死去[00:03:44]

什么叫告别[00:03:45]

说声再见干嘛呀[00:03:46]

走亲戚啊呢[00:03:48]

话别着没够啊[00:03:50]

跟自己爹娘说一声啊[00:03:51]

[00:03:53]

打个招呼上石家庄找自己的后爹去[00:03:53]

[00:03:56]

一切都安排妥当没[00:03:57]

没不妥当[00:03:59]

我跟我父母睾丸皮[00:04:01]

[00:04:02]

我上石家庄[00:04:03]

[00:04:05]

看我后爹[00:04:05]

[00:04:07]

那我家里这个算什么呀[00:04:07]

哎呀[00:04:10]

我忘了说了[00:04:10]

咋这么乱呢[00:04:11]

是这样[00:04:12]

他的父亲跟她母亲呢[00:04:13]

结婚的时候玩了一个游戏叫捉迷藏啊[00:04:14]

这叫什么游戏啊[00:04:18]

这说没藏[00:04:19]

哎呀[00:04:20]

你父亲都藏起来了[00:04:21]

你母亲找了三天没找着就改嫁了[00:04:22]

a [00:04:25]

[00:04:26]

我妈就等三天你着了吧[00:04:26]

不然你这个父亲流落到石家庄家里[00:04:28]

北京这个是你亲妈和后爹[00:04:31]

石家庄是你亲爹和后妈[00:04:33]

老头儿还真乱啊[00:04:36]

哎呀[00:04:38]

跟自己的爹娘告别[00:04:39]

上石家庄找自己的后爹去开着亲手的奥拓[00:04:40]

[00:04:45]

很高兴啊[00:04:45]

他还高兴a 一路西去[00:04:46]

[00:04:49]

那不就死了吗[00:04:51]

我说死了吗[00:04:53]

怎么叫西区啊[00:04:54]

往西走[00:04:55]

往西行[00:04:56]

知道吗[00:04:57]

然后再往南[00:04:57]

A 队后R 角都的京石高速啊[00:04:59]

对对对[00:05:01]

石家庄快上高速了[00:05:02]

[00:05:03]

得取票[00:05:04]

知道吗[00:05:06]

哎呀[00:05:07]

我这个词汇用的糗票啊[00:05:07]

我是P 线的呀[00:05:10]

[00:05:11]

这都你们都先竟遭东西了[00:05:12]

我看得取票啊取票购票啊[00:05:15]

知道吗[00:05:18]

他要取票[00:05:19]

他媳妇儿说了[00:05:20]

我媳妇儿老公啊老公老公啊给我打个电话打个电话打个电话[00:05:21]

我媳妇怎么浪漫劲儿的[00:05:29]

喂嗯[00:05:31]

哎吗[00:05:32]

为什么[00:05:33]

我要走了[00:05:35]

我们俩真的回不来了[00:05:37]

我要走了[00:05:38]

我要去石家庄看我后街去[00:05:38]

[00:05:41]

你别说什么[00:05:41]

你要跟我说一个秘密[00:05:43]

什么秘密[00:05:45]

什么秘密[00:05:45]

你结婚的时候玩了一个捉迷藏[00:05:47]

[00:05:49]

行了[00:05:49]

没有啊[00:05:50]

这个我不听了啊[00:05:51]

我我不愿意听啊[00:05:53]

他扯完了票要走[00:05:54]

[00:05:56]

他媳妇说等会儿吗[00:05:57]

还是等我走吧[00:05:58]

[00:05:59]

我走了啊[00:05:59]

干嘛[00:06:01]

等会儿啊[00:06:01]

走了开着聊客车催呢[00:06:02]

对等会儿吗[00:06:04]

我再跟你说两句[00:06:06]

你开着车聊干什么呀[00:06:07]

你不知道吗[00:06:10]

[00:06:11]

过了收费站算长途[00:06:11]

你不知道吗[00:06:12]

[00:06:13]

过的太细了[00:06:15]

这也别废话[00:06:17]

哎呀[00:06:20]

走吧走吧[00:06:20]

A [00:06:21]

开车走了[00:06:22]

往京师上走啊[00:06:23]

开着开着坏了[00:06:25]

怎么了[00:06:26]

出了点儿事儿[00:06:26]

出什么事儿呢[00:06:28]

爆冷[00:06:30]

[00:06:33]

你要死啊[00:06:35]

我这儿有点儿含糊[00:06:37]

说包是什么包都不是[00:06:39]

跟我有什么关系[00:06:45]

这事儿太棒了[00:06:46]

爆胎了[00:06:48]

哎哟[00:06:50]

爆胎爆胎了[00:06:51]

Kan da [00:06:53]

爆胎了[00:06:54]

爆胎爆什么照啊[00:06:54]

[00:06:56]

宣传啊[00:06:56]

你去看看是不是报宣传[00:06:58]

别提这个行[00:07:01]

请老公我去[00:07:03]

[00:07:05]

但是你是不得停车呀[00:07:06]

[00:07:08]

两口子缺心眼[00:07:11]

停完了车宣传下去[00:07:14]

往左后一看[00:07:17]

[00:07:19]

这后边大哥[00:07:19]

[00:07:20]

那怎么着怎么着[00:07:21]

真棒啦[00:07:22]

行啦[00:07:23]

哎呀[00:07:24]

这怎么办呢[00:07:26]

爆胎了[00:07:27]

开不了了怎么办啊[00:07:27]

他媳妇儿很聪明[00:07:29]

我媳妇儿聪明人[00:07:30]

他媳妇儿抱起轮胎[00:07:31]

他抬起油门[00:07:32]

[00:07:33]

你等会儿[00:07:34]

你等会儿没有损不损啊[00:07:35]

你怎么啦[00:07:39]

那是汽车啊[00:07:41]

我媳妇是肉的[00:07:42]

知道吗[00:07:43]

[00:07:44]

我这彩铃木头[00:07:44]

我媳妇儿爆竹跟着跑啊[00:07:45]

你怕轮毂坏了啊[00:07:48]

[00:07:51]

把龙骨坏了啊[00:07:51]

我媳妇儿坏了怎么办[00:07:53]

他这趵突泉磨没了胳膊[00:07:54]

一会儿[00:07:56]

那怎么办[00:07:57]

你说怎么办啊[00:07:58]

没有这样的[00:08:00]

推着吧[00:08:01]

得推着走[00:08:01]

没有抱着轮胎[00:08:02]

A 把轮胎放那儿[00:08:03]

他媳妇儿上车谁推呢[00:08:04]

这两口子缺心眼儿[00:08:08]

你媳妇儿媳妇儿推着推吧[00:08:10]

[00:08:12]

不好推[00:08:12]

推到下一个服务区[00:08:13]

哎哟[00:08:15]

到那儿一瞧啊[00:08:16]

买了一个气筒子[00:08:17]

你等会你等会[00:08:20]

你等会儿[00:08:21]

这不缺心眼儿吗[00:08:21]

这怎么了[00:08:22]

我这服务区有修车的[00:08:24]

[00:08:25]

补个胎不就完了吗[00:08:26]

修车的放假啦[00:08:27]

快过年啦[00:08:29]

哎哟[00:08:30]

那寸劲儿啊[00:08:30]

买系统的管什么用啊[00:08:31]

打开呀[00:08:33]

你等会儿你等会儿你等会儿[00:08:37]

什么叫打胎[00:08:42]

胎爆了你不能打开吗[00:08:44]

那不能叫打胎[00:08:47]

你看它叫[00:08:48]

打胎打胎啊[00:08:51]

不什么都完了吗[00:08:58]

就是给胎打气啊[00:08:59]

对对对[00:09:01]

您说清楚了啊[00:09:01]

就就就打开挺好[00:09:02]

我不我顺嘴啊[00:09:03]

对了[00:09:05]

我不行[00:09:05]

知道吗[00:09:06]

那我就这么说[00:09:07]

你把我怎么着[00:09:08]

他不能把你怎么着就打胎气[00:09:11]

He [00:09:13]

打胎气[00:09:14]

哎呀[00:09:15]

打胎您行了[00:09:15]

您稳住了[00:09:17]

不好打啊[00:09:17]

朋友们[00:09:18]

这个胎爆了啊[00:09:19]

跟那个渣了是有区别的[00:09:21]

[00:09:23]

报了窟窿眼儿大[00:09:23]

它炸开了啊[00:09:25]

不好打[00:09:26]

哎呀妈[00:09:27]

废话[00:09:28]

打得进去吗[00:09:29]

哎呀哎呀[00:09:29]

这还够费劲的哈[00:09:32]

打40 分钟啊[00:09:34]

开五分钟或打什么啊[00:09:36]

那个蒙打啊打打40 分钟[00:09:40]

赶紧上车走[00:09:43]

踩油门走走走了65 分钟[00:09:44]

全然[00:09:48]

是不是没气了[00:09:49]

还用问呢[00:09:51]

老公[00:09:52]

老公[00:09:53]

那我去看看吧[00:09:54]

好吧[00:09:55]

我媳妇有毛病[00:09:56]

[00:09:57]

你看来看看来看看[00:09:57]

[00:10:00]

你等会儿[00:10:00]

你等会儿[00:10:01]

你等会儿这边儿开[00:10:02]

我干嘛让她看啊[00:10:03]

他又不下车[00:10:05]

我这么开着[00:10:06]

回头看一眼不就完了吗[00:10:06]

你非得趴在我身上干嘛呀[00:10:08]

你看不见那废话[00:10:10]

他挡着我是看不见[00:10:11]

你看不见肥肉[00:10:12]

回头看看就完了[00:10:14]

他媳妇一瞧[00:10:16]

大哥真没戏了[00:10:17]

[00:10:19]

这逗闷子呢[00:10:19]

俩人接着打吧[00:10:21]

哎哟[00:10:23]

达50 分钟能开四分钟都减半了[00:10:26]

越来越大[00:10:30]

那样的废话越打越大可好家伙[00:10:31]

简短截说[00:10:34]

第二天晚上到了保定[00:10:36]

第二天晚上啊[00:10:40]

哎呀[00:10:41]

到了保定了[00:10:42]

哎呀[00:10:43]

这打得他媳妇都不行了[00:10:44]

你要老这么打他是受不了[00:10:48]

[00:10:50]

一直处于打开的状态[00:10:51]

他媳妇还真好身体[00:10:56]

[00:10:57]

他媳妇儿步行了[00:10:58]

是步行了[00:10:59]

哎呀[00:11:00]

还有后劲[00:11:06]

累得快死了[00:11:08]

哎呀[00:11:09]

喊他去了[00:11:09]

[00:11:10]

老公[00:11:11]

老公[00:11:13]

你去躺会儿吧[00:11:15]

我都快死了[00:11:18]

对对对[00:11:18]

都黑了[00:11:19]

都大的[00:11:20]

你看看灯都黑了[00:11:20]

[00:11:22]

我去打会好吃吧[00:11:23]

[00:11:24]

你坐坐着[00:11:24]

[00:11:25]

那什么[00:11:25]

气管子在哪儿呢[00:11:27]

[00:11:28]

气筒子呢[00:11:28]

就在后边呢[00:11:29]

后边后边哪啊咋就那个红棍就是哦红棍[00:11:30]

[00:11:36]

怎么红棍儿都打红了[00:11:37]

难为我媳妇儿[00:11:43]

我告诉你[00:11:44]

哎呀[00:11:45]

快死了[00:11:48]

那废话都烫手了[00:11:48]

到了保定服务区了[00:11:50]

他很聪明[00:11:53]

有什么聪明想出一个好主意[00:11:54]

什么主意啊[00:11:56]

叫快递[00:11:57]

哦对[00:11:58]

我这是聪明了[00:12:01]

[00:12:02]

这不马后炮吗[00:12:02]

之前我干什么来着呢[00:12:05]

我哪知道啊[00:12:07]

[00:12:08]

这有理呢[00:12:08]

叫快递啊[00:12:10]

别说[00:12:12]

快递还挺快[00:12:12]

废话[00:12:13]

快递五分钟就来了[00:12:14]

五分钟就来了哈[00:12:18]

我可能高速过了一夜了[00:12:20]

知道吗[00:12:21]

说这送了一个轮胎[00:12:22]

[00:12:26]

这送快递也够贫的啊[00:12:30]

这只贪是您的吗[00:12:33]

他这胎[00:12:34]

哎呀啊[00:12:35]

[00:12:36]

是我的亲[00:12:39]

谢谢[00:12:42]

我来给您换上吧[00:12:42]

亲一下得了[00:12:43]

好吧[00:12:47]

好的[00:12:49]

[00:12:49]

好的[00:12:50]

不说亲[00:12:50]

不会说话的[00:12:51]

三分钟换好了[00:12:52]

[00:12:53]

对对[00:12:53]

我走一宿[00:12:54]

我这换好了胎[00:12:55]

快递问他了[00:12:57]

问什么呀[00:12:58]

[00:12:59]

[00:12:59]

我能问你一个问题吗[00:12:59]

能问吗[00:13:01]

您这个车有备胎吗[00:13:01]

废什么话呀[00:13:04]

当然有了[00:13:05]

[00:13:07]

算我没说啊[00:13:15]

这不缺心眼儿骂[00:13:17]

[00:13:21]

请您交钱吧[00:13:22]

这个太浅[00:13:24]

嗯嗯[00:13:25]

一千六怎么这么贵呀[00:13:27]

一说一千六[00:13:29]

他媳妇快疯了[00:13:30]

我媳妇儿听不到这个什么什么什么什么[00:13:31]

嘴封了一千六啊[00:13:35]

我打胎用的了一千六吗[00:13:38]

我打胎打了一天一宿了[00:13:41]

给我好好说话行不行[00:13:44]

胎气都快打没了[00:13:46]

打破胎啊[00:13:49]

你收我一千六[00:13:50]

哎呀[00:13:52]

你疯了吗[00:13:52]

你没有你媳妇[00:13:53]

[00:13:57]

死这样[00:13:57]

我告诉你啊[00:13:58]

这位女亲[00:14:03]

你要亲我[00:14:10]

今儿我抽你我告诉你[00:14:11]

这位女亲啊[00:14:13]

我是一个快递哦[00:14:14]

我也不容易啊[00:14:16]

上面明码标价一千六[00:14:17]

请您付钱的[00:14:20]

亲够吧[00:14:20]

没有[00:14:23]

您别这样行吗[00:14:25]

这样不是办法呀[00:14:27]

对呀[00:14:28]

最后他媳妇说了[00:14:29]

[00:14:30]

我出一个主意[00:14:30]

我给你钱行啊[00:14:31]

但是你得有设备[00:14:32]

我能刷卡吗[00:14:34]

H 高了[00:14:36]

高速上朋友们哪能穿卡[00:14:38]

是不是没现金[00:14:40]

亲啊[00:14:41]

可以哦啊[00:14:42]

或者有POS机啊[00:14:45]

随身带着呢[00:14:46]

[00:14:51]

没办法[00:14:51]

朋友不打算给钱[00:14:52]

那得给人刷[00:14:53]

得给人刷钱吗[00:14:54]

A 1600嗯人家这个快递呢[00:14:55]

骑自行车要走[00:14:58]

骑自行车要走[00:14:59]

哎呀哈[00:15:00]

媳妇儿[00:15:03]

比火车快[00:15:03]

我告诉你后[00:15:04]

两口子越想越生气[00:15:05]

越想越难受啊[00:15:07]

管不着人家[00:15:08]

哎呀[00:15:09]

不行[00:15:10]

老公怎么撞死他[00:15:11]

[00:15:13]

这不教坏吗[00:15:16]

撞死他这话气我怎么行呢[00:15:17]

[00:15:21]

引起了我宣言[00:15:22]

知道吗[00:15:24]

[00:15:24]

[00:15:25]

快出事儿了[00:15:26]

撞死他[00:15:27]

哎呀[00:15:28]

[00:15:29]

媳妇儿[00:15:29]

你说的更别就应该撞死他[00:15:29]

没有这么说[00:15:31]

我撞死你[00:15:32]

撞死你[00:15:33]

哎呀[00:15:34]

朋友们心里是这么想[00:15:34]

[00:15:36]

不能这么办[00:15:36]

真撞上了[00:15:37]

把人撞了[00:15:40]

当撞上了[00:15:41]

哎哟[00:15:42]

快递车那儿保持着骑车的姿势[00:15:43]

就那车没了[00:15:48]

车没了[00:15:50]

快递这回好[00:15:50]

就剩了[00:15:57]

[00:15:58]

定在那儿了[00:15:59]

在那儿[00:16:00]

傻啦[00:16:01]

废话[00:16:02]

撞着了[00:16:02]

分钟以后啪叽躺那儿了[00:16:03]

正好死缓[00:16:05]

晕菜了[00:16:06]

晕菜啊e 晕他媳妇说呀[00:16:07]

老公啊[00:16:12]

这个亲怎么办呢[00:16:12]

别学人家啦[00:16:14]

这个亲怎么办[00:16:16]

你们撞了你说怎么办[00:16:17]

正说着呢[00:16:18]

打那边过来一辆警车[00:16:19]

来警察了[00:16:21]

怎么这么困呢[00:16:22]

多么的棘手[00:16:23]

朋友们怎么办[00:16:24]

这条你怎么拍的[00:16:26]

他很聪明[00:16:27]

我聪明[00:16:28]

把快递顺道自己的车底下[00:16:28]

上半身在车底下[00:16:32]

[00:16:34]

腿上[00:16:34]

外头[00:16:34]

那管什么用啊[00:16:35]

刚弄好[00:16:36]

警车过来了[00:16:37]

下来这个警察从这这怎么回事儿[00:16:38]

怎么回事儿[00:16:41]

修车呢[00:16:42]

高了[00:16:45]

这招修车呢[00:16:45]

[00:16:47]

修车怎么趴那儿呢[00:16:48]

角初夏[00:16:57]

啊哈哈[00:17:01]

那个什么他媳妇儿过来了[00:17:03]

从这从这[00:17:05]

他看看漏不漏油[00:17:06]

漏油漏油往地上干什么呀[00:17:07]

没事儿[00:17:10]

没事儿等您[00:17:10]

等您呢[00:17:11]

哎呀[00:17:11]

好好[00:17:12]

那修车就没事儿[00:17:13]

[00:17:14]

这个同学好糊弄啊[00:17:15]

我问问您从这儿到石家庄需要多长时间呢[00:17:16]

比如说问道[00:17:20]

[00:17:21]

那得看什么车[00:17:23]

这话对[00:17:27]

像您这个可能40 分钟就到了[00:17:27]

[00:17:30]

我这个可能还得几天度蜜月来了[00:17:30]

说不好说不好[00:17:35]

没有啊[00:17:36]

[00:17:37]

谢谢同志[00:17:37]

再见[00:17:38]

警察走了[00:17:39]

我还正好糊弄他媳妇儿[00:17:40]

把这块地钻出来扔掉了[00:17:42]

我都不管人家啦[00:17:45]

我媳妇儿的万恶的开车往前走[00:17:47]

[00:17:49]

很高兴啦[00:17:50]

这还高兴啊[00:17:51]

不用打胎了[00:17:52]

这倒是不用受那个罪了[00:17:54]

哎呀[00:17:55]

他媳妇说了[00:17:56]

[00:17:56]

老公[00:17:57]

老公[00:17:58]

老公老公[00:17:58]

听会音乐吧[00:18:00]

老公[00:18:01]

[00:18:02]

[00:18:02]

还够I 好[00:18:02]

你想听什么歌呢[00:18:03]

嗯嗯[00:18:04]

因为爱情吧[00:18:06]

[00:18:07]

好的[00:18:08]

老公[00:18:08]

因为爱情不会轻易悲伤[00:18:09]

所以一切都是幸福的爱情[00:18:15]

等会儿[00:18:24]

简单的长征[00:18:25]

听音乐不是车上放的那个[00:18:27]

对呀[00:18:32]

因为我觉着自己唱啊对呀[00:18:34]

清朝的车哪有音乐啊[00:18:38]

哎呀[00:18:43]

我媳妇还是爱劳动[00:18:44]

自己主动问他[00:18:45]

还得摁在那桃花盛开的地方[00:18:46]

好在那桃花盛开的地方还真多[00:18:49]

老公老公老公老公[00:19:01]

咱俩一会儿我还有老公一句[00:19:03]

我媳妇儿说的[00:19:07]

这句是我说的[00:19:09]

老公[00:19:11]

[00:19:12]

你说是阿童木快呢还是超人快呢[00:19:12]

就是开车[00:19:18]

没准闲聊我觉得吧[00:19:18]

[00:19:21]

超人快[00:19:22]

为什么[00:19:23]

因为超人裤衩在外头是吗[00:19:24]

没有这个话[00:19:27]

超人快[00:19:27]

老公[00:19:28]

我觉得阿童木快[00:19:29]

为什么[00:19:30]

因为阿童木是一个胳膊一个胳膊啊一个胳膊哦[00:19:30]

丰足小嗯er [00:19:36]

超人呢[00:19:37]

俩胳膊哦[00:19:38]

主力是吗[00:19:40]

[00:19:41]

阿东木块[00:19:42]

超人超人[00:19:44]

阿童木快点儿[00:19:46]

奔放的超人快[00:19:47]

阿童木[00:19:50]

快啊啊啊[00:19:50]

怎么了[00:19:58]

撞树上了[00:20:00]

也是我双手嘎巴了吗[00:20:02]

我30 0 A撞树上了啊[00:20:04]

好家伙呢[00:20:09]

[00:20:11]

掉沟里了[00:20:13]

数还剩[00:20:14]

接着把它塞沟里了啊[00:20:15]

掉沟里了半天[00:20:17]

他媳妇才醒来[00:20:19]

哎呀[00:20:20]

[00:20:22]

保持这姿势呢[00:20:23]

老公[00:20:25]

哎呀老公[00:20:26]

你活着吗[00:20:27]

还有这心思[00:20:29]

我活着呢[00:20:30]

活着呢[00:20:32]

一点儿都不冤呢[00:20:32]

俩人[00:20:33]

老公[00:20:36]

我说儿童木块吧[00:20:37]

我在你头对你在我头上飞出去的是吧[00:20:40]

俩人飞出去了[00:20:46]

哎呀[00:20:47]

行了行了[00:20:48]

从哪儿飞出去的呢[00:20:48]

挡风玻璃那儿[00:20:50]

从前边儿撞出去了啊[00:20:51]

哎呀[00:20:53]

这么快[00:20:53]

哎呀[00:20:56]

两口子站起来[00:20:56]

粘锅哩[00:20:58]

哎呀[00:21:01]

人还挺稳重[00:21:03]

你看还互相改呢[00:21:04]

相亲相爱吗[00:21:08]

[00:21:09]

没有[00:21:09]

你不比划[00:21:10]

这不好[00:21:11]

你们再看这两口子血滋滋滋摘了半天[00:21:12]

总算没事了[00:21:18]

把车抬到高速上[00:21:19]

我这车俩人还在高速上呢[00:21:23]

难怪亲手的奥拓[00:21:26]

对对[00:21:28]

别整掉们朋友们[00:21:29]

挡风玻璃可是没了[00:21:31]

废话[00:21:32]

什么都没了[00:21:33]

前面[00:21:33]

哎呀[00:21:34]

这怎么办呢怎么办[00:21:35]

他想出了一个好主意[00:21:36]

我聪明[00:21:38]

愣开[00:21:39]

这叫什么主意[00:21:42]

这叫愣开愣开[00:21:43]

开了没有十分钟[00:21:46]

[00:21:48]

宣传说了[00:21:48]

我媳妇儿老公[00:21:50]

老公啊老公[00:21:50]

那什么是因为我们有护心毛的原因吗[00:21:52]

什么意思[00:21:57]

我冷[00:21:58]

[00:22:03]

谁那样都冷[00:22:05]

知道吗[00:22:07]

你废什么话呀[00:22:08]

哎呀[00:22:09]

我有金毛我也冷[00:22:11]

谁问你有没有大冬天没有挡风玻璃[00:22:13]

你受得了吗[00:22:18]

这不是你让开的吗[00:22:19]

这个老公[00:22:20]

我可能得死在高速上[00:22:23]

我冲你拉通[00:22:26]

我得死高速上[00:22:27]

老公[00:22:29]

那什么[00:22:29]

[00:22:30]

等我死了怎么着[00:22:31]

你在临床上[00:22:33]

给我放一首歌行吗[00:22:35]

[00:22:37]

还有这个女主来放一首歌啊[00:22:37]

什么医院什么歌什么歌[00:22:40]

何日君再来[00:22:43]

这不招我去呢吗[00:22:46]

疯了[00:22:49]

何日君再来[00:22:50]

我可能也得死这儿[00:22:51]

[00:22:52]

我怎么了我啊[00:22:52]

我要是死了[00:22:53]

你在平台上给我放一首歌吧[00:22:55]

[00:22:56]

我要什么歌[00:22:56]

[00:22:57]

把悲伤留给自己[00:22:58]

咱多高尚[00:23:00]

对我老公[00:23:01]

老公[00:23:03]

你太缺德了[00:23:03]

怎么了[00:23:05]

你听歌词啊[00:23:05]

什么歌词[00:23:07]

能不能让我陪着你走[00:23:08]

还是让我跟你走啊[00:23:16]

我这还是爱你[00:23:18]

老公[00:23:19]

你太缺德了[00:23:19]

不过老公[00:23:20]

我一再I 走走[00:23:21]

您这套又出去了[00:23:24]

知道吗[00:23:25]

俩人都快成冰棍了[00:23:26]

还调情呢[00:23:28]

这是调情吗[00:23:30]

[00:23:31]

哎呀[00:23:31]

越开越冷[00:23:32]

越开越冷[00:23:33]

挡风玻璃没有啊[00:23:34]

对啊[00:23:35]

这怎么办怎么办[00:23:35]

他想[00:23:36]

主意主意[00:23:37]

什么主意[00:23:37]

咱们后边不是有快递的那个箱子嘛[00:23:38]

送轮胎[00:23:41]

轮胎那箱子咱给挡这儿不就完了吗[00:23:41]

老公[00:23:46]

我太爱你了[00:23:47]

别爱我[00:23:48]

你别爱我了[00:23:48]

可以呀[00:23:50]

那箱子挡着什么都看不见了[00:23:51]

说的是那还美呢[00:23:54]

黑都弄好了[00:23:55]

把箱子都弄好[00:23:57]

往那一贴[00:23:58]

待不住啊[00:23:59]

废话[00:24:00]

怎么办[00:24:01]

他站在车上[00:24:02]

头尿了泡尿[00:24:02]

没有三分钟冻上了好了[00:24:05]

[00:24:08]

这也是娇惯[00:24:09]

吹不下去了[00:24:10]

对那尿动力管什么用啊a [00:24:11]

可是朋友们看不见路啊[00:24:13]

废话你才知道啊[00:24:15]

怎么办[00:24:16]

她凭记忆开车啊[00:24:18]

[00:24:24]

我原来认识的[00:24:24]

倒不是那什么叫凭记忆[00:24:25]

把脑袋探出去看一眼[00:24:28]

能开三秒钟[00:24:30]

哎呀[00:24:36]

开三秒钟a 好[00:24:36]

[00:24:39]

这别使劲儿了[00:24:40]

哎呀[00:24:43]

朋友们[00:24:44]

[00:24:44]

就这样[00:24:45]

堵车了[00:24:46]

得亏是堵车了[00:24:49]

堵车了走下去我就死路上[00:24:50]

哎呀[00:24:53]

这怎么这些车呢[00:24:53]

怎么还堵车了呢[00:24:54]

下车一打听[00:24:56]

原来呀[00:24:57]

[00:24:58]

一辆拉猪的车翻了[00:24:58]

哎哟[00:25:01]

出事了[00:25:02]

哎呀[00:25:02]

满高度的猪啊[00:25:03]

朋友们[00:25:04]

好多热闹全都是猪啊[00:25:05]

哎呀[00:25:08]

好多个警察在高速上跟他捋[00:25:08]

警察都乐了[00:25:12]

他太高兴了[00:25:13]

[00:25:14]

我高兴什么呀[00:25:14]

哎呀[00:25:16]

我怎么[00:25:19]

我怎么了[00:25:19]

我亲人呢[00:25:20]

没听说过[00:25:23]

悬崖[00:25:25]

你等着干嘛[00:25:26]

我一会给你一个惊喜[00:25:27]

什么惊喜[00:25:28]

他下车去逮猪去了[00:25:29]

一个猪自己拿走[00:25:33]

A 飞了一只猪[00:25:34]

我怀着兴奋过来[00:25:35]

车门拉开[00:25:37]

放在驾驶员那里[00:25:39]

把朱塞在那儿了[00:25:42]

朱俩前爪搭在方向盘上在看[00:25:43]

轩然啊[00:25:48]

眼神儿也不老好使的[00:25:48]

怎么呢[00:25:50]

老公[00:25:51]

你回来了[00:25:51]

老公[00:25:51]

您调清楚了行吗[00:25:54]

老公[00:25:56]

你回来怎么不说一声呢[00:25:57]

老公[00:25:58]

怎么也不说话了呢[00:25:59]

没有[00:26:01]

老公[00:26:01]

你听歌吗[00:26:01]

老公[00:26:02]

我听着啊[00:26:02]

因为爱情[00:26:03]

别人家老公臭缺德多冷啊[00:26:04]

怎么把衣服脱了[00:26:07]

老公[00:26:08]

行啦[00:26:08]

你这什么眼神啊[00:26:11]

这是怎么被删也没有了[00:26:13]

老公[00:26:14]

摸一摸[00:26:15]

毛啦[00:26:16]

动啦[00:26:17]

那是我们那个冻死你臭咖啡的穿上衣服啊[00:26:20]

老公[00:26:23]

哎呀[00:26:24]

老公[00:26:24]

你穿上衣服啊老公[00:26:25]

就把衣服脱了呢[00:26:26]

老公[00:26:27]

有这个娘们儿[00:26:34]

我活着不死的[00:26:35]

路上这把衣服穿了穿[00:26:36]

你还哼哼什么呀[00:26:40]

啊啊[00:26:41]

瞧清楚了[00:26:45]

我都问你半天[00:26:47]

一句话也不跟人家说呀[00:26:48]

这话说得了她老公[00:26:49]

行了[00:26:51]

别叫老公了[00:26:52]

再看他啊[00:26:53]

又带一只猪[00:26:54]

我还真能待待吧[00:26:56]

[00:26:58]

正带着讷警察过来了[00:26:58]

[00:26:59]

一把给他摁住了[00:27:00]

[00:27:01]

野猪也行[00:27:01]

[00:27:02]

没听说过你们家猪穿着衣裳呢[00:27:08]

别废话[00:27:11]

我是人[00:27:13]

哎呀[00:27:13]

我是人[00:27:14]

对警察说了[00:27:15]

怎么证明你是人呢[00:27:16]

这不混蛋嘛[00:27:19]

我都说话了[00:27:20]

还怎么证明啊[00:27:21]

我会说话啊[00:27:23]

八戒吧[00:27:26]

没听说过会不会聊天啊[00:27:28]

怎么证明你是人啊[00:27:31]

跟我来干嘛[00:27:33]

跟我来我还得证明一下[00:27:34]

a [00:27:35]

上车呢[00:27:36]

[00:27:36]

刚要开门看她媳妇[00:27:37]

老公[00:27:38]

你说话呀[00:27:38]

老公这个娘们儿[00:27:39]

什么把衣服脱了[00:27:42]

老公这么冷啊[00:27:43]

这不是我开门[00:27:44]

警察[00:27:47]

[00:27:48]

扫描扫描[00:27:49]

怎么[00:27:50]

警察[00:27:51]

过来瞧瞧[00:27:51]

怎么回事啊[00:27:52]

怎么[00:27:54]

这怎么回事儿啊[00:27:54]

这是我儿子呀[00:27:56]

你玩儿去呢[00:27:57]

不还是猪吗[00:27:58]

那个他很生气[00:27:59]

废话[00:28:01]

能不生气吗[00:28:01]

虽然我在这儿呢[00:28:02]

[00:28:06]

小娘们这个眼神啊[00:28:06]

老公是你吗[00:28:08]

你是谁[00:28:11]

幸亏没有跟你睡觉[00:28:13]

讨厌[00:28:15]

哎呀这娘们儿[00:28:17]

他把猪放到后边[00:28:20]

哎呀[00:28:22]

开车要走[00:28:23]

警察就把我们放过了[00:28:25]

放过拿我们当一家三口啦[00:28:26]

哈哈[00:28:28]

很开心呐[00:28:29]

还开心呢[00:28:30]

我嗨呀[00:28:31]

你甭high 了[00:28:32]

我high 这会儿呢[00:28:33]

也通了哦[00:28:35]

路通了[00:28:36]

高速也通了[00:28:37]

AA 拉猪的车也走了[00:28:38]

哎哟[00:28:40]

朋友们怎么坏了[00:28:41]

王了一只猪[00:28:43]

不在我车上了吗[00:28:46]

角逐[00:28:47]

瘸子王了[00:28:49]

一只瘸着腿瘸了[00:28:50]

[00:28:51]

哎哟[00:28:52]

左后没有了[00:28:53]

[00:28:55]

这是我那车子不是就是猪啊[00:28:55]

[00:29:01]

[00:29:01]

左后全三条腿的猪[00:29:01]

好家伙[00:29:04]

左后没了[00:29:04]

警察都没招够笨的[00:29:05]

而且呢[00:29:07]

右前不怎么好使[00:29:09]

这猪跑的挺快啊[00:29:14]

这猪啊[00:29:23]

你看猪就两根棍好看吧[00:29:25]

就这样[00:29:29]

我给你学学啊[00:29:30]

你别学了[00:29:31]

这个没有[00:29:32]

这个也不能使[00:29:33]

还不如猪好看呢[00:29:37]

跑的挺快[00:29:38]

哎呀[00:29:39]

他一瞧高兴了是吗[00:29:40]

宣然看见没有[00:29:41]

怎么样[00:29:42]

缺猪逃出来[00:29:43]

老公老公[00:29:45]

[00:29:45]

带他带带他[00:29:46]

[00:29:47]

带他以后啊呃[00:29:48]

送礼送它送礼[00:29:50]

四条腿儿啊[00:29:51]

给你亲爹后妈一个[00:29:53]

后妈亲爹一个[00:29:55]

怎么样[00:29:55]

都是四条腿[00:29:56]

就三条腿儿[00:29:58]

[00:29:59]

那你说怎么办[00:29:59]

那也得追呀[00:30:01]

[00:30:02]

你看油门啊[00:30:03]

这个猪啊[00:30:05]

哎呀[00:30:09]

多热闹[00:30:10]

朋友们啊[00:30:11]

追了仨钟头没追上我的车还不如一只猪呢[00:30:12]

关键是你得凭记忆开车啊[00:30:19]

[00:30:23]

对对对对对[00:30:23]

减肥了[00:30:26]

这株拐弯儿我还撞下来[00:30:27]

那可不嘛[00:30:29]

哎呀[00:30:30]

简短截说[00:30:31]

[00:30:32]

第三天下午[00:30:33]

哇好[00:30:35]

总算是到了石家庄[00:30:37]

它不易啊[00:30:39]

到石家庄得那个胶条胶条胶条[00:30:40]

娇娇过去[00:30:44]

售票员拿着笤[00:30:45]

这位同志啊[00:30:56]

我能冒昧的问一句吗[00:30:58]

您甭客气了[00:31:01]

你说吧[00:31:02]

[00:31:03]

你说说没关系[00:31:04]

您是从北京来的对吧[00:31:08]

对啊对啊对啊对啊[00:31:11]

要到石家庄对不对啊[00:31:13]

从北京到石家庄两个小时的车程[00:31:17]

您怎么走了三天半呢[00:31:22]

他哪知道我路上多忙啊[00:31:25]

您在高速上都干什么辣啊[00:31:28]

哎呀[00:31:31]

这会儿他媳妇说了[00:31:32]

老公老公你走开[00:31:33]

我跟他说啊[00:31:34]

你跟我们在高速上[00:31:35]

我们[00:31:38]

[00:31:39]

打胎好好说行吗[00:31:39]

[00:31:42]

打胎气啊[00:31:43]

这叫快递[00:31:44]

[00:31:47]

[00:31:47]

快递[00:31:47]

这就别说了[00:31:49]

[00:31:50]

唱歌[00:31:51]

哎对对对[00:31:51]

逮猪逮缺株[00:31:52]

点图木耳啊[00:31:56]

[00:31:58]

没羞没躁这个地儿啊[00:31:59]

修挡风玻璃等等等等[00:32:03]

可开心可开心啦[00:32:07]

哎呀[00:32:10]

好吧[00:32:13]

算我多嘴啊[00:32:13]

能听明白[00:32:15]

我都那个[00:32:15]

我告诉你[00:32:16]

交钱走人[00:32:16]

哎呀[00:32:17]

交完了钱走人吧[00:32:18]

哎呀[00:32:20]

总算是到石家庄了[00:32:20]

这可到了[00:32:22]

太开心了[00:32:23]

是啊[00:32:24]

猛踩油门[00:32:24]

走吧[00:32:25]

找你[00:32:26]

嗯嗯[00:32:27]

朋友们啊[00:32:29]

这车是越开越快[00:32:30]

越开越快[00:32:32]

哎哟[00:32:33]

都不凭记忆开车拉货[00:32:33]

猛往前蹿[00:32:35]

愣开[00:32:36]

哎呀[00:32:37]

越开越快越快[00:32:37]

坏了[00:32:38]

怎么了[00:32:39]

当队进了一个农家院[00:32:39]

开进去了啊[00:32:43]

媳妇蹭[00:32:45]

从挡风这个纸壳儿呢就出去了啊[00:32:46]

这真不好说[00:32:48]

从挡风只哥们儿砰就出去了[00:32:51]

挡风只隔尿那出去整落在一个猪圈里啊[00:32:54]

他媳妇半天才爬起来是吗[00:32:58]

爬起来以后揪住一个猪的脖领子[00:33:00]

啪啪大梯子就过去了[00:33:02]

干嘛呀[00:33:04]

孙子又把衣服脱了[00:33:04]