《Albuquerque》歌词

歌曲： Albuquerque

所属专辑：Running With Scissors

歌手： ”Weird Al” Yankovic

时长： 11:26

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Albuquerque - Weird Al Yankovic[00:00:00]

Written by：Al Yankovic[00:00:01]

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy[00:00:06]

Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of[00:00:08]

The basement of the house[00:00:10]

Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop[00:00:11]

You know the place[00:00:14]

Well anyway back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy[00:00:15]

Except of course for the undeniable fact that every single morning[00:00:20]

My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast[00:00:23]

Awww big bowl of sauerkraut[00:00:27]

Every single mornin'[00:00:31]

It was driving me crazy[00:00:33]

I said to my mom[00:00:34]

I said[00:00:35]

Hey mom what's up with all the sauerkraut[00:00:35]

And my dear sweet mother[00:00:37]

She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train[00:00:39]

And she leaned right down next to me[00:00:42]

And she said It's good for you[00:00:45]

And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth[00:00:49]

And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until[00:00:52]

I was twenty six and a half years old[00:00:54]

That's when I swore that someday[00:00:56]

Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical far away place[00:00:58]

Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer[00:01:02]

And the towels are oh so fluffy[00:01:05]

Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long[00:01:07]

And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel[00:01:10]

Wacka wacka doodoo yeah[00:01:14]

Well let me tell you people it wasn't long at[00:01:15]

All before my dream came true[00:01:17]

Because the very next day a local radio station had this contest[00:01:19]

To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt[00:01:22]

I was off by three but I still won the grand prize[00:01:27]

That's right a first class one-way ticket to[00:01:30]

Albuquerque[00:01:33]

Albuquerque[00:01:38]

Oh yeah[00:01:42]

You know I'd never been on a real airplane before[00:01:44]

And I gotta tell ya it was really great[00:01:46]

Except that I had to sit between two large[00:01:48]

Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor[00:01:50]

And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time[00:01:53]

The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts[00:01:56]

And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore[00:01:59]

And oh yeah three of the airplane engines burned out[00:02:02]

And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside[00:02:04]

And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died[00:02:06]

Except for me[00:02:11]

You know why[00:02:13]

Cause I had my tray table up[00:02:14]

And my seat back in the full upright position[00:02:16]

Had my tray table up[00:02:19]

And my seat back in the full upright position[00:02:22]

Had my tray table up[00:02:24]

And my seat back in the full upright position[00:02:27]

Ah ha ha ha[00:02:30]

Ah ha ha[00:02:32]

Ahhhh[00:02:33]

So I crawled from the twisted burnin' wreckage[00:02:35]

I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days[00:02:37]

Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag[00:02:41]

And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball[00:02:45]

And my lucky lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel[00:02:48]

But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn[00:02:52]

Where the towels are oh so fluffy[00:02:56]

And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna[00:02:58]

It's okay they're clean[00:03:01]

Well I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C[00:03:03]

And I turned on the SpectraVision[00:03:05]

And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow[00:03:07]

That I love so very very much when suddenly there's a knock on the door[00:03:09]

Well now who could that be[00:03:14]

I say[00:03:15]

Who is it[00:03:16]

No answer[00:03:17]

Who is it[00:03:18]

There's no answer[00:03:19]

Who is it[00:03:21]

They're not sayin' anything[00:03:22]

So finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected[00:03:24]

It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock Of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril[00:03:28]

Oh man I hate it when I'm right[00:03:33]

So anyway he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel[00:03:36]

And I'm like[00:03:39]

Hey you can't have that[00:03:40]

That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me[00:03:41]

And he's like tough[00:03:44]

And I'm like give it[00:03:45]

And he's like make me[00:03:46]

And I'm like 'kay[00:03:48]

So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus[00:03:49]

And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows[00:03:52]

And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation[00:03:54]

Yes indeed you better believe it[00:03:57]

And somehow in the middle of it all the phone got knocked off the hook[00:04:00]

And twenty seconds later I heard a familiar voice[00:04:03]

And you know what it said[00:04:06]

I'll tell you what it said[00:04:08]

It said[00:04:09]

If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again[00:04:10]

If you need help hang up and then dial your operator[00:04:15]

If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again[00:04:20]

If you need help hang up and then dial your operator[00:04:25]

Albuquerque[00:04:30]

Albuquerque[00:04:36]

Well to cut a long story short he got away with my snorkel[00:04:40]

But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that[00:04:44]

I would not rest[00:04:46]

I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice[00:04:47]

But first I decided to buy some donuts[00:04:51]

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop[00:04:53]

And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter[00:04:56]

And he says[00:04:58]

Yeah what do ya want[00:04:59]

I said[00:05:04]

You got any glazed donuts[00:05:04]

He said[00:05:06]

No we're outta glazed donuts[00:05:06]

I said[00:05:09]

You got any jelly donuts[00:05:09]

He said[00:05:11]

No we're outta jelly donuts[00:05:12]

I said[00:05:14]

You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts[00:05:14]

He said[00:05:17]

No we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts[00:05:17]

I said[00:05:20]

You got any cinnamon rolls[00:05:20]

He said[00:05:22]

No we're outta cinnamon rolls[00:05:22]

I said[00:05:24]

You got any apple fritters[00:05:25]

He said[00:05:27]

No we're outta apple fritters[00:05:27]

I said[00:05:29]

You got any bear claws[00:05:30]

He said[00:05:32]

Wait a minute I'll go check[00:05:33]

No we're outta bear claws[00:05:44]

I said[00:05:46]

Well in that case in that case what do you have[00:05:47]

He says[00:05:51]

All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving crazed weasels[00:05:52]

I said[00:05:57]

Okay I'll take that[00:05:57]

So he hands me the box and[00:05:58]

I open up the lid and the weasels jump out[00:06:00]

And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over[00:06:02]

Oh man they were just going nuts[00:06:07]

They were tearin' me apart[00:06:09]

You know I think it was just about that time[00:06:11]

That a little ditty started goin' through my head[00:06:13]

I believe it went a little something like this[00:06:16]

Doh[00:06:19]

Get 'em off me[00:06:20]

Get 'em off me[00:06:21]

Oh[00:06:22]

No get 'em off get 'em off[00:06:22]

Oh oh God oh God[00:06:24]

Oh get 'em off me[00:06:25]

Oh oh God[00:06:26]

Ah ah ah[00:06:27]

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face[00:06:30]

Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin' runnin' runnin'[00:06:33]

Like a constipated wiener dog[00:06:35]

And as luck would have it that's exactly when[00:06:38]

I ran into the girl of my dreams[00:06:40]

Her name was Zelda[00:06:43]

She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite[00:06:45]

And hair the color of strained peaches[00:06:48]

I'll never forget the first thing she said to me[00:06:50]

She said[00:06:53]

Hey you've got weasels on your face[00:06:53]

That's when I knew it was true love[00:06:56]

We were inseparable after that[00:06:58]

Aw we ate together we bathed together[00:07:00]

We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss[00:07:03]

The world was our burrito[00:07:06]

So we got married and we bought us a house[00:07:08]

And had two beautiful children Nathaniel and Superfly[00:07:10]

Oh we were so very very very happy aw yeah[00:07:14]

But then one fateful night Zelda said to me[00:07:18]

She said[00:07:21]

Sweetie pumpkin[00:07:22]

Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club[00:07:23]

I said[00:07:28]

Whoa hold on now baby[00:07:29]

I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment[00:07:31]

So we broke up and I never saw her again[00:07:34]

But that's just the way things go[00:07:36]

Albuquerque[00:07:39]

Albuquerque[00:07:44]

Anyway things really started lookin' up for me[00:08:00]

Because about a week later I finally achieved my lifelong dream[00:08:02]

That's right I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler[00:08:06]

I even made employee of the month after[00:08:09]

I put out that grease fire with my face[00:08:11]

Aw yeah everybody was pretty jealous of me after that[00:08:13]

I was gettin' a lot of attitude[00:08:16]

OK like one time I was out in the parking lot[00:08:18]

Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil[00:08:20]

When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol'[00:08:23]

Sofa up the stairs all by himself[00:08:25]

So I[00:08:27]

I say to him I say[00:08:28]

Hey you want me to help you with that[00:08:29]

And Marty he just rolls his eyes and goes[00:08:30]

No I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw[00:08:33]

So I did[00:08:37]

And then he gets all indignant on me[00:08:38]

He's like[00:08:40]

Hey man I was just being sarcastic[00:08:41]

Well that's just great[00:08:43]

How was I supposed to know that[00:08:44]

I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud[00:08:46]

Besides now he's got a really cute nickname Torso-Boy[00:08:48]

So what's he complaining about[00:08:51]

Say that reminds me of another amusing anecdote[00:08:54]

This guy comes up to me on the street[00:08:57]

And says he hasn't had a bite in three days[00:08:58]

Well I knew what he meant[00:09:01]

But just to be funny I took a big bite out of his jugular vein[00:09:02]

And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over[00:09:06]

And I'm like[00:09:09]

Hey come on don'tcha get it[00:09:09]

But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming[00:09:11]

You know just completely missing the irony of the whole situation[00:09:16]

Man some people just can't take a joke you know[00:09:19]

Anyway um um where was I[00:09:22]

Kinda lost my train of thought[00:09:28]

Uh well uh okay[00:09:30]

Anyway I I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it[00:09:32]

But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is[00:09:35]

I hate Sauerkraut[00:09:37]

That's all I'm really tryin' to say[00:09:41]

And by the way if one day you happen to wake up[00:09:42]

And find yourself in an existential quandry[00:09:44]

Full of loathing and self-doubt[00:09:47]

And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence[00:09:49]

At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that[00:09:53]

Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours[00:09:55]

There's still a little place called[00:10:00]

Albuquerque[00:10:03]

Albuquerque[00:10:08]

Albuquerque Albuquerque[00:10:13]

Albuquerque Albuquerque[00:10:15]

Albuquerque Albuquerque[00:10:18]

Albuquerque Albuquerque[00:10:20]

I said A A[00:10:23]

L L[00:10:25]

B B[00:10:26]

U U[00:10:27]

Querque querque[00:10:31]

Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque[00:10:38]

Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque[00:10:40]

Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque[00:10:43]

Albuquerque Albuquerque[00:10:45]

Albuquerque[00:10:47]