《Underwear Goes Inside The Pants》歌词

歌曲： Underwear Goes Inside The Pants

所属专辑：Underwear Goes Inside The Pants

歌手： Lazyboy

时长： 04:54

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Underwear Goes Inside The Pants - Lazyboy[00:04:54]

Why is m*******a not legal? Why is m*******a not legal? [00:04:54]

It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. [00:04:54]

Do you know what's not natural?[00:04:54]

80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.[00:04:54]

But we got pills for that.[00:04:54]

We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,[00:04:54]

But we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?[00:04:54]

You know we have more prescription drugs now.[00:04:54]

Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.[00:04:54]

I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.[00:04:54]

Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"[00:04:54]

Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it. [00:04:54]

Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is…[00:04:54]

People running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.[00:04:54]

I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?[00:04:54]

That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy. [00:04:54]

The schools now… It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.[00:04:54]

Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.[00:04:54]

If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?[00:04:54]

What's going to happen to our porno industry?[00:04:54]

These women don't just grown on trees. [00:04:54]

It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.[00:04:54]

And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?[00:04:54]

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.[00:04:54]

You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east. [00:04:54]

Terrorists masterminds.[00:04:54]

Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?[00:04:54]

They're not masterminds.[00:04:54]

"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"[00:04:54]

"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just…"[00:04:54]

"Who's the f**king mastermind here? Me or you?"[00:04:54]

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time. [00:04:54]

Do you know what the number one health risk in America is? [00:04:54]

Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.[00:04:54]

An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.[00:04:54]

The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.[00:04:54]

"How'd you get through it grandpa?"[00:04:54]

"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."[00:04:54]

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.[00:04:54]

I'll sit at a drive thru. [00:04:54]

I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.[00:04:54]

Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large. [00:04:54]

You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother f**ker. There's room in the back. Take it![00:04:54]

Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.[00:04:54]

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.[00:04:54]

Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?[00:04:54]

Of course not.[00:04:54]

You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your a** before you start to think,[00:04:54]

"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."[00:04:54]

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,[00:04:54]

But the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.[00:04:54]

There are homeless people everywhere.[00:04:54]

This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.[00:04:54]

I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.[00:04:54]

And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.[00:04:54]

Why am I judging this poor bastard.[00:04:54]

People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.[00:04:54]

Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?[00:04:54]

Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.[00:04:54]

I walked behind this guy the other day. [00:04:54]

A homeless guy asked him for money.[00:04:54]

He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.[00:04:54]

People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.[00:04:54]

This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.[00:04:54]

Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.[00:04:54]

I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.[00:04:54]

I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.[00:04:54]

Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.[00:04:54]